Looking Back

 Today was Laura Tremaine’s One Day Hour by Hour social media initiative. It’s one of my favorite annual events because I love to look back on my life at different stages AND because I love to see other people’s days unfold.

This year, each day, I have been collecting my fb posts back to 2009 when I got on fb in the hope of collecting my writing to sort through what I have for a book. It’s been fun (and funny) to look back at the past 12 years, but it’s also been encouraging.

A few days ago, I saw a post in my memories from the first year the kids were home and I was doing a prompt a day for the month of November with an adoption agency. This is what it said (the prompt was I wish you understood…):

I wish you understood....

{vulnerability ahead}.... There are many approaches to this prompt, but mine is to the world outside of our family of 7.

I wish you understood that, while things are SO GOOD, I don't ever feel like I can admit when they AREN'T. I have always felt comfortable cracking jokes or making comments openly about any sort of issues in regard to Emma and Kelsey but I don't feel that same sort of grace in regard to my other three. I am afraid you will judge them. I'm afraid you will judge me. I'm afraid I carry the banner of adoption and I'm going to somehow dissuade someone from adopting if they hear from me that every moment is anything less than perfection.

I wish you understood that I am, so frequently, SO STINKING TIRED. I'm physically tired enough that my daydreams are filled with sleeping for days or a week. But more than that, I'm emotionally and mentally spent. I'm weary from having my mood tied to those of teenagers quite literally twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, at home and at school. I'm exhausted from worrying about teenagers, those in my house and my classroom, all of the time. I'm tired from being in my car running people places, I'm tired from trying to make sure each kid has every advantage he or she can have, that each of them feels loved and falls in love with Jesus, from making sure Kraig feels known and loved too. I'm so weary of keeping so many plates spinning in the air at all times, from family to my full-time job to my side job to friendships to a million other things. At any given time, I feel like I'm failing at something. I will say, I guess that's better than always feeling like I'm failing at everything.... 

What I most wish you understood, though, is that I don't ever feel like I can SAY I'm tired. I'm so afraid that you'll say, maybe even just in your mind, "You asked for this. You chose this. You brought this on yourself." I'm afraid to admit to being weary because I'm afraid you will think that somehow, I don't realize how blessed we are and that I'm not so grateful to be #touchedbyadoption . I wish you understood that sometimes the most joyous blessings also take the most out of you.

I read those words, and I could feel that bone-crushing soul-weariness from those early days, those first months home and back in school. I didn’t know the new three yet, we were feeling our way along blindly, I had never parented five kids at one time before, finances were new territory with seven people, my high alert was on with my original two kids and watching them for an adjustment issues, and I was also maintaining my other two jobs. Every night I went to bed feeling like I wasn’t sure I had another day in me and every morning I woke up already emotionally exhausted from a day that had not begun yet. I was feeling so blessed, yes, but I was also so fearful of the future. 

But when I read those words two days ago, it wasn’t that soul-crushing weariness I was feeling. It was such sweet relief that we made it. We survived those very hard and tiring days and these days are so much easier. I don’t go to bed and wake up emotionally spent (I mean, I have this year but it’s due to my career and not my family, haha) every day. We KNOW each other. We’ve weathered the adjustments, we’ve worked out the finances, we have parented 5 (and now launched 1.25). 

And will more hard days come??? YES, a thousand times yes. The seasons ahead could be harder than the ones behind. But the difference will be that I will be stronger. I’ll have more faith. I’ll have seen what I am capable of from those early days and I’ll feel more equipped to handle the rest. That’s the beauty of looking back. It girds you up for what is forward.

A Boring Evening at Home

 8 years ago today, the lives of 3 of my kids changed forever. 8 years ago today, a typhoon that had threatened their country for 5 days made landfall in their province, forever changing their present and their future. 8 years ago today, their perspective of “normal” shifted for good. 8 years ago today, they lost their mom, their dad, and their baby sister, as well as many other family members and friends.

Today, I reread Gerda Weismann Klein’s autobiography, All But My Life, to teach to my Holocaust Literature class. I also showed them her Oscar acceptance speech, linked below.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5zn-fPM4KS0

There is a very powerful thread that runs through both her book and her acceptance speech, and that is the idea that we don’t realize the beauty of the ordinary when we are living it, and it’s not until we are faced with a terrible diagnosis or a tragic accident or a natural disaster or any such moment when our life changed for good that we can see the “magic of a boring evening at home”. In her book, she has a line that says something to the effect of, “And I could think only one strange thought: that I had not realized how pleasant luncheon had been the day before.” 

Until the world changes, we don’t see the beauty in the mundane. Until we’ve experienced great loss, we don’t fully appreciate great value. Until we’ve been broken, we don’t truly understand whole healing. 

Three years ago today, I got a report from the doctor that “something” they had found over a month earlier that had started an unwanted journey of mammograms and ultrasounds and biopsies (and eventually, even after this, a lumpectomy) was benign. I hadn’t ever had to trust Him over a long period of time with my health and my body the way I had to in October and November of 2018, but with every mammogram since, I have appreciated the “boring evening at home” the night before, the “pleasant luncheon” the week earlier. I now know what it feels like to have everything hang in the balance while you wait to see which way your life is going to go, and due to that, I will never take for granted the easy days of blissful ignorance.

In 8 years, a ton of healing has happened in my kids. The Lord has been good to these three since that day, He has kept them in the palm of His hand. This is the first year since they have been home that they haven’t mentioned the anniversary in the days and weeks leading up to it or on the day. I know that isn’t because they have forgotten, but maybe it’s because they are learning again to trust Him with the future and cherish the present.

Small Beginnings

 {Originally written as a guest post for another blog in July, 2021.}

Zechariah 4:6-10

6 Then he said to me, “This is what the Lord says to Zerubbabel: It is not by force nor by strength, but by my Spirit, says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies.7 Nothing, not even a mighty mountain, will stand in Zerubbabel’s way; it will become a level plain before him! And when Zerubbabel sets the final stone of the Temple in place, the people will shout: ‘May God bless it! May God bless it!’”

8 Then another message came to me from the Lord: 9 “Zerubbabel is the one who laid the foundation of this Temple, and he will complete it. Then you will know that the Lord of Heaven’s Armies has sent me. 10 Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin, to see the plumb line in Zerubbabel’s hand.”

Yesterday, I stood at the Colorado River. Except, a river it was NOT. A little stream, trickling in places, narrow, a couple of inches deep… if the sign had not said “Colorado River”, I never would have known. I was standing at the headwaters in Rocky Mountain National Park. 

A year ago… in fact, a year ago TODAY... I stood on the North Rim of the Grand Canyon and gazed into the chasm and across the deep. It’s the only place I’ve ever been that I had a physical reaction to, as we rounded the lodge to get our first look and my breath literally caught in my chest, causing me to audibly gasp. Later that day, we went to the iconic Horseshoe Bend, not as dramatic in its scope but every bit as beautiful. 

Both of those places came into existence, were carved and cut into their current form, by the Colorado River. The physical environments are continually changing even today by that mighty river. “Mighty”? This?

Yes. This. These waters are the beginning of the same river that runs 1450 miles and stops a few miles before the Gulf of California in Mexico. It passes through 7 states and 2 countries on its journey. It carries boaters and rafters and trout and fishermen and a water supply for agriculture and industry and recreation. Nature dot Org told me that “The Colorado River supports $1.4 trillion in annual economic activity and 16 million jobs in California, Arizona, Nevada, Utah, Colorado, New Mexico and Wyoming. That's equivalent to about 1/12 of the total U.S. domestic product, meaning the Colorado River's contribution is important to the national economy as well.”

All of that…. From this.

The moment I realized this was that same river that does all of those things, the verse, “Do not despise small beginnings” came into my head and, to be honest, I wasn’t even positive where to find it in the Old Testament. I took the picture because I knew there was a message from the Lord, a lesson, in this for me and possibly for others. When I looked up the verse and read the context, I couldn’t help but also notice verse 7… not even a mighty mountain will stand in his way, it will become a level plain. Or a canyon with a river running through it. The lesson in this, at least for me, is in the end of verse 10. Not only do not despise small beginnings, which is a great phrase to memorize and apply, but the second part: “For the Lord rejoices to see the work begin”. 

I don’t actually mind the beginning of things. I get really excited in the planning and organizing and dreaming process. The part I don’t always enjoy is the work on the front end… and the middle… and the redos…. and the next middle…. I much prefer being the raging river that powerfully cuts through the mountains than the trickling little stream that pushes and fights and weakens and works to get to the mighty end. 

But the Lord, He rejoices when I pick up the plumb line. He rejoices as each stone is set in place. He rejoices as I toil, as the little stream keeps pushing through the valleys until it has the power to level a mountain and create a canyon. And, as the early part of the passage says, it’s not my power anyway. It’s not my might, but His. He is the one who dropped the water into Rocky Mountain National Park, who poured that little dribble of headwaters into place, then it was the power of HIS Spirit that pushed that stream into a river with the power to create one of the largest canyons on planet earth.

So today, maybe you are like me and you need that reminder that the beginning doesn’t determine the end, that the work required is worth the result, that He rejoices with you in your labor, and that it’s His Spirit and not your might or power. Whether it’s your occupation or parenting or your vocation or your ministry or relationships or a dream long deferred, He wants to remind you of these things today.

This is Swim.

 I just got home from a swim meet. Our sports repertoire in this family has consisted of volleyball (2 kids, 2 levels, 5 years), cross country (5 kids, 3 levels, 8 years and counting), track (4 kids, 2 levels, 3 years), tennis (2 kids, 1 level, 3 years and counting), and swim (2 kids, 2 levels, 6 years and counting). If I ranked the sports based on my viewing pleasure, cross country would be first, followed by tennis and swim, then volleyball, then track. If I ranked them based on team culture, cross country and swim and tennis all tie, followed by volleyball and track. If I ranked them on positive experiences, middle school volleyball ranks right up there with cross country and tennis and swim. If I ranked them based on team spirit and encouragement, cross country and swim knock all of the others out of the competition.

Above is just a sampling of the moments from tonight. At swim meets, everywhere you look are kids encouraging each other. The high schoolers calm the nerves of the middle schoolers. The kids clang on the blocks to push their teammates to a strong finish. The swimmers stand at the end of the lane and cheer their teammates on during the events. Kids walk the length of the pool encouraging each other. Opposing team members reach across the lanes to give each other high fives in the water at the end of an event. The middle schoolers screech and shout for the high schoolers. They all watch each others’ times, they know the goal times of their teammates. They critique each others’ performances and ask each other what their dive, their stroke, their turn, their count looked like. 

The strange thing about swim (and cross country) is that they are individual and team sports at the same time. You’re competing with yourself and your teammates, but you also need your teammates to do well. And if you work with a teammate on a stroke or turn or dive to help them improve, you’re helping the team but you’re also potentially helping that teammate get faster than you. It’s an unselfish man’s sport, for sure.

When I watch these kids at meets, I always think about it as a metaphor for life and a chance to self-reflect. How often am I at the end of the lane, cheering for my coworkers? How many times do I reach across the lane and high five the person whose life is “beating” mine right now? Am I willing to put in time and effort to help the people around me, knowing it puts them in a better position than I might be? Do I enter more rooms with an attitude of “how can I help?” or one of “I’m going to do whatever it takes to one-up you right now”? Am I the person reaching out to the more inexperienced people or am I just scrambling to keep myself in a good position?

I wish I could say that I always find myself being a great teammate, an awesome mom, a fabulous wife, an incredible friend, a valuable coworker, a perfect teacher, an admirable Christian, an encouragement to this world. The truth is, I don’t always find myself to be those things. I fight a very real spirit of the elder brother and I am sometimes a naturally jealous person. Sometimes I have to battle my flesh to be happy for the people who are beating me. 

But if there’s one thing that being a sports mom, a swim mom in particular, has taught me, it’s the value of setting aside self for the good of the team. And every time I struggle to do so, I recall the images above and I look deep inside to try and find the ability to be these people.

Shifting the Paradigm

The other day, I was talking to a student about a new dog they had gotten, a shelter dog. She was telling me about the many issues the dog has, the fact that the shelter was concerned that no one would ever come for that particular dog. I told her a little bit about Saige and our journey with her, the way she was terrified of males (and now Kraig is her absolute favorite person in this house), the fact that she took off like a shot (somehow getting out of her harness) the moment we got home and we thought she was gone for good, the desire we had for her to be a house dog and the way she wouldn’t come anywhere near the house (once we finally caught her that first day), and the fear we had that we were going to have to give her away almost as soon as we got her because she didn’t seem to be willing to live here.

I look at this baby now, almost four years later, and I am so shocked by her transformation. I can’t imagine the past nearly four years without her, those soulful hazel eyes and soft fur, floppy ears, high energy but ability to fall asleep INSTANTLY. It also kind of scared me to imagine how close we came to giving up on her.

And as a teacher, a person who works with foster care ministry, and a mom of kids from a hard place, I can’t help but think about the fact that her initial behaviors when she came to us weren’t from a place of animosity or even misunderstanding, but a place of fear. Her defenses were up because of the past that she had. She was afraid of men, likely because of the ways men had treated her. And as Kraig and the boys loved on her and met her needs and played with her and gained her trust, she warmed to them. But she didn’t just warm to THEM, she warmed to all men. She lost the generalized fear she had of men, fear she had developed because of the treatment of certain men, due to the gracious love shown to her by other certain men. 

We can’t disregard the past that people carry with them, the ways in which their behaviors are shaped by the treatment they have been given. At the same time, we can’t underestimate the impact we can have, just us as individuals, on those around us. It may only take you to shift the paradigm for someone, to show them that it doesn’t always have to be the way it’s always been.

He’s 18.

 My son ran his last cross country meet (ever) last week. It’s taken me a full week to sort through my thoughts and feelings about the fact that my third child is experiencing all of the senior highlights, that my third child is nearly at the end of the at-home years. For 12 years, I only had two kids. I have now almost launched more kids than I ever even imagined myself being privileged to parent. It’s a shock to my gut.

And this kid…. this boy…. Every child in my nest is special. Every single one of them has their own unique story and place in our home and the fabric of our family. 

So let me tell you about this one.

This guy, from the very first time I laid eyes on him, captured my heart. He has a twinkle in his eye, a mischievous smile, and a wit that cannot be matched. My adoption hope was always that God would allow for us to adopt a son (little did we know that we would be blessed with TWO sons and a daughter too!) and I think that when I saw Roman, my heart immediately recognized the son it had always dreamed about.

When we started to skype, that little scampish personality shined through instantly. I saw in him the male students I had always loved to teach, the ones who were smart and witty and fun but also just a little bit of work, the ones I had to keep a close eye on because the risk was there for them to outsmart me, even as 15 year olds. Roman was “that kid”. 

There is a certain picture of him I will never forgot, one I saw online in the days leading up to our trip to the Philippines to get them, and I just remember thinking that my insides melted when I saw it. I didn’t know what parenting him was going to be like, but I was pretty sure it was going to be an adventure and a joy and a lot of hard work.

And I was correct. On all levels.

Roman was the first of our new three to get in any sort of serious trouble (as serious as trouble can be for an 8th grader). The early years of disciplining him were not fun for anyone. He completely shut down when you tried to discuss issues or discipline with him. As I told someone today, the potential was there for some really, really major challenges and at times I wasn’t sure what parenting these difficulties would like like in an older teenager.

But the changes, the growth, the beauty from ashes, the softening of his heart, the spiritual maturity that happened in him over the next few years… it was incredible to see. 

The Roman that we know today has come so far from that little boy who stood with his head down, refusing to look at us as we talked to him about his indiscretions, shutting down for days at a time after being disciplined. 

Today, Roman reflects his Father. When he prays, the depth of his communion with the Lord stuns me. The profound nature of his thoughts in his prayers is astounding to me. He talks to Jesus like He is a best friend. Roman is, without a doubt, called to children’s ministry as a layperson. Several years ago, he started helping with the children’s service during our church’s recovery program (mostly drug and alcohol) every Thursday night. When I say that not only do we NEVER need to remind him to go, nor does he ever dread going, what I mean is that often I forget that he has that on Thursdays and he reminds me. He has arranged his work schedule around it. He gets very frustrated when he has to miss for a trip or cross country meet. He comes home glowing and alive and full of stories from the night. He routinely requests prayer in our family meetings for the kids whose stories he holds from Recovery Alive. It’s his heart, and his heart reflects His.

Seeing Roman grow into a man, 18 years old tomorrow, from that little 13 year old boy we brought home from the Philippines has been one of the greatest joys of my life. Seeing all of the parts of him that I loved and adored from the first moment I met him that are still inside to watching the amazing growth and maturity in the parts that needed to grow and mature to the joy of the new aspects of who he is that have come as he has aged… it’s been such a privilege to witness. I love this boy with every fiber of my being, every beat of my heart. I can’t imagine, sometimes, that I lived without him for the first 12 years of his life.

And even though I knew, I really did KNOW or I wouldn’t have even considered adoption, that you can love a child who wasn’t knit together inside you and who you didn’t even meet until he had lived a good portion of his life just as much as the ones you birthed… I am still amazed by it sometimes. I look at him and I see what God sees in him. I see his past and his present and his future and I know the Lord saved his life and set his feet on a firm foundation and redeemed his losses and cut a road through the ocean for us to become his parents and provided him with every bit of his intellect and his charm and his faithfulness and his servant’s heart to equip him for the good work He has ahead for him. 

And I’m just so thankful that, even though I wish his life had not been so hard and that he had not suffered losses I can’t even imagine, that God chose me to be his second mom.

The Hourglass

 I remember when I was little and my mom (who would die if she knew this was written for posterity online) would watch “Days of our Lives”. 

“Like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives.” Or something like that.

I was having a conversation with someone tonight in social media comments about favorite and least favorite months and seasons and so on. In the discussion, as I tried to explain why I dislike November so much more than even January or February, I made a comment like, “Once you get to January, you’re in the dead of it (winter), but at least you’re making progress. November is the very beginning and so far away from summer.” It made me think of how I’ve always loved Thursday more than Friday and the way I prefer the days before school gets out over the first days of summer. I love the anticipation of the thing most, because once the thing starts, the clock is ticking. I’ve always said I don’t hate August and September because at least the countdown is on to summer, versus during summer when you feel like the hourglass sand is slipping through your hand.

I do better in the middle of the ick, I said, than at the beginning of it.

I hate that feeling of trying desperately to hold onto something as it slides past, what Andrew Marvell referred to in the poem we read in class last week as “Time’s wingéd chariot hurrying near”. But after all, what else is living, if not the constant starting and ending of every single thing in the world? The starting and ending of days and weeks and months and seasons and years and parenting phases and classes and friendships and hobbies and hopefully pandemics and diets and crises and achievements and failures and books and meals and laundry (just kidding, that never actually ends) and on and on and on and on. And on. While we just sit and try to hang on to vestiges of the good and happily relinquish the bad.

Westward, Ho!

 We have been excited to take a long trip out west for a few years, and we had planned to do it in my parents’ RV. However, the RV had an issue and wasn’t fixed in time to take it. When we realized that was a possibility, I booked a Plan B with Airbnbs and hotels that had free cancellation so that we were prepared for both options. I may link the RV parks at the bottom as well, although we didn’t stay in any of them so I can’t say if they were good or not. 

I’ll give itinerary and input, along with changes/suggestions, and companies and activities and links. 

Disclaimer that I always include on my trip posts:

A trip like this is not at all for everyone, and we were taking this trip with my parents who are older, so we avoided some of the more active things we may have done if it was just our nuclear family. Those are things to remember, as well as two other important considerations.

I am a fan of what I call a “survey trip”. If I told some people that we hit this many national parks and state parks and states in 17 days, they would be almost offended. Yellowstone in 3 days??? That’s a disgrace, they might say. However, I love to “sample” places on trips so that I know where I would like to return to and spend more time. From our Fall Break 2020 trip, I know that I would enjoy a longer trip to Yosemite and maybe an additional trip to Zion. From the summer trip, I know that I would like to return to the Tetons and Yellowstone at other times of year than summer. 

We don’t typically do downtime when we travel. We don’t nap, we don’t sit in a hotel room, we don’t sleep in, we don’t go to bed early (although on our trips west, we do typically stay on Cleveland time, so our sleep schedule is a little changed), we don’t lounge at restaurants, we don’t sit around. We go and we see and we do. A Davis trip (or a school trip run by Athena Davis, haha!) requires travel stamina. I’m the person who, if I have a long layover, will plan an activity in the city of the layover so as to see more. If this isn’t your way to travel, I do not AT ALL recommend this itinerary. It was constant going and doing and seeing and it was tiring even for people like us who are used to this sort of travel.

I’ll do the quick and dirty itinerary below, then go into more detail by day for those who want to read that.

Basic Itinerary:

Day 1: Drive from Cleveland to the ferry, then Cave-in-Rock state park, short hike, Shawnee National Forest, Garden of the Gods short hike, overnight in Fairfield, Illinois, at an Airbnb

Day 2: Drive to St. Louis, stop to see the Arch, then drive on to Omaha, Nebraska, overnight there in a hotel

Day 3: Drive to Sioux Falls, SD, walk the falls, drive to Mitchell, SD, see the Corn Palace and look around, drive to Chamberlain, SD, see the Dignity Statue, drive to Badlands National Park. Hiked, drove the scenic drive, overnight at Frontier Cabins and Motel Resort in a cabin and a tipi

Day 4: Drive to Wall Drug, see it, then across to see Wind Cave NP, the Crazy Horse Statue and Mt Rushmore, overnight at a hotel in Hill City, SD (shop downtown)

Day 5: Up early to go to Custer State Park, scenic drives, overnight at a hotel in Custer (shop downtown)

Day 6: Drive to Montana, stop and see Little Bighorn National Battlefield Monument, scenic drive, overnight at a hotel in Billings, Montana 

Day 7: Enter through Yellowstone’s North Entrance (Roosevelt Arch), drive and sightsee, then out the NE Entrance, drive Chief Joseph Highway to Cody, WY. Overnight there in a cabin.

Day 8: Entered Yellowstone’s East Entrance, drove the middle/bottom of the loop, came back out the East Entrance, overnight again in Cody in cabin.

Day 9: Stopped at the Buffalo Bill Dam, Entered Yellowstone’s East Entrance, drove through Yellowstone and exited the West Entrance, overnight in a hotel in Island Park

Day 10: Drove down through Idaho, across to the Tetons, drove part of the loop, shopped in Jackson, overnight in an Airbnb in Idaho Falls

Day 11: Back into Grand Teton NP, hiked and drove loop, overnight again in Idaho Falls

Day 12: Drove into Grand Teton to float the snake river, then out the east side of the Tetons through to Casper, WY, overnight in a hotel

Day 13: Drove to Spearfish, SD, drove Spearfish Canyon, shopped and such in Deadwood, SD, overnight in a hotel

Day 14: Drove to Theodore Roosevelt NP, toured North and South Units, overnight in a hotel in Dickinson, ND

Day 15: Drove to Rochester, MN, baseball game, overnight in a hotel in Rochester

Day 16: Drove down through Wisconsin to Iowa, stopped at American Gothic House, to Hannibal (sightsee), overnight in Metropolis at a hotel

Day 17: Quickly sightsee, home to Cleveland

National Parks Information:

American the Beautiful National Parks Pass ($80) is ESSENTIAL. Plus, it’s good for a year so any future trips will mean it pays itself off over and over. Learn from my previous mistake on our last fall break trip, though, and for your very first pass, buy it AT THE FIRST PARK instead of ordering it in advance. It expires in the month that you bought it (the following year), so you get more use out of it if you purchase it last minute.

Stay up to date using the NPS websites! This is especially important in the time of Covid (many visitor centers are closed still and some areas of park are close). This is how I knew that part of the Yellowstone loop was closed and that we would need reservations for the cave tours at Wind Cave. 

There is an app that I have heard so much about called the Gypsy App. I got it before this trip and I am so glad I did. It was seriously the greatest addition to the trip to hear him explaining things, offering extra details, and giving advice about where to stop and where it wasn’t totally worth it. You can buy it by the park or buy bundles (which I recommend if you’re going or are going to be going more than one place).

Travel Details and Notes:

The National Parks pass is per car. My parents already had a lifetime senior pass (can’t wait till I can get one!), so we needed an additional one for our car. State parks aren’t included in that, and some state parks (like Custer) do charge admission. Use Gas Buddy to find cheaper gas along the way.

We use hydroflasks and fill them at each stop in the mornings, which covers water. We also had coolers and snacks in our cars. More on that later.

In packing, I SWEAR BY packing cubes. We normally use a set of cubes per person, but this trip we did it differently and it was so smart for this type of trip. We did a cube per day, so each cube held a day’s outfit for 6 people. I bought hospital bracelets to label and put around the cube handles. Then we had a large utility tote (not suitcase) that held each 1/3 of the cubes. We also had a tote with sweatshirts and jackets and bathing suits and towels and one with hiking boots and extra shoes and hiking supplies. 

We avoided nighttime driving as often as possible due to wildlife on the roads.

Staying on Cleveland time had a lot of benefit to us, especially with stopping early. We were able to get started earlier without it feeling so crazy early.

Preparation:

I always put a TON of time into research for trips (and I enjoy it). I look at all sorts of websites and blogs and read trip advisor reviews like they are the Holy Graille. I also am a member of fb groups for national parks, road trips, and specific parks. Those help a lot. The more info you can find from people who are similar to you (in activity level, physical condition, age, etc), the better off you are. 

In my research and our previous trip, I knew some specifics that I would need and one was hiking sticks. We used those on our previous fall break trip and we used them again on this one. We have relatively cheap ones from amazon and they have served us well. We also always take extra shoes, lest some get muddy or wet and you need to switch them out.

We always travel with lots of Walmart bags for trash in the car, wet stuff, dirty shoes, etc..

Time. Everything is relative. Some things will take longer than you anticipated and some will happen a lot faster. Leave yourself some wiggle room and be ready to drop back and punt when needed, whether that is to end the day sooner than expected or squeeze one more thing in. Time on this trip worked very well.

I knew that phone service would be an issue in a lot of places so I had screenshot driving directions, reservations, etc.. This ended up being absolutely necessary. We also took a paper atlas in case we needed it.

Money:

We always do meals in the car. We tend to eat one meal out each day and eat the other two from our bag. This was a little harder on this trip since Kraig’s diet is so much more limited than it was last Fall Break, but we made it work. This saves us time as well as money, and in Covid times, it’s been very useful since a lot of places aren’t open, close early, and aren’t fully staffed.

For us when traveling with our nuclear family, Airbnbs are the cheapest way to stay instead of paying for two hotel rooms. It also offers the chance to refrigerate, prepare food if needed, wash clothes (which we only did once o this trip), etc.. The key to Airbnbs is REVIEWS and FEES. I can almost recite the reviews for every Airbnb we have stayed in because I read them so often. Get familiar with reading into what is NOT said, as many reviewers are too nice to point out negative things (although some will). Use the reviews for info about the area too, thaey are wonderful. For fees, don’t just go on the initial price it shows. Click “reserve” so that you can see the actual amount. Many of the places I looked at for this trip, due to Covid, had a cleaning fee that was equal the cost of the rental! For this trip, we were blessed to have my parents along, which meant that hotel rooms were more practical and usually cheaper since 4 people could stay in each room (we put two kids with my parents at each stop).

The major expenses on this trip were gas and lodging. Gas shot up in price right before we left, but I don’t tend to be a person who freaks out about gas prices much since THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT THEM. You can’t just decide not to drive a car, so it is what it is. Lodging was also pretty high, primarily because we booked relatively last minute for this part of the country, which we had to do since we needed to replace our original plan.

Other than the state park and the one excursion (floating the Snake), the visits were all free after the national parks pass. In spending money on only one meal a day, that also saved a lot on dining costs. 

We did travel at the most expensive season, I think, in the summer. This same trip would have been a little cheaper in October and also not as crowded. However, we don’t have 17 days available any time of year other than summer, so it had to be.

This is a perfect trip for a large family or an extended family because there aren’t any added “per person” types of costs. The trip wasn’t cheap, but it was memories I won’t ever forget.

Quick Links to Excursions, Airbnbs, Hotels, etc:

Airbnb in Fairfield, IL

Hotel in Omaha

Wall Frontier Cabins

Hill City Hotel

Custer Hotel

Billings Hotel

Cody Buffalo Bill Village

Island Park Resort

Idaho Falls Airbnb

Snake River Float Excursion

Casper Hotel

Deadwood Hotel

Dickinson Hotel

Rochestor Hotel

Metropolis Hotel

Detailed Itinerary with Links

Day 1: Cave in Rock and Shawnee National Forest

We left home around 8 AM and headed north. I had considered a couple of routes, and ended up deciding that the kids would love taking the ferry across the Ohio River, so we did that to get to the state park. We stopped at Cave-in-Rock State Park and did a short hike down to the cave (park in the last parking lot for a shorter hike). 

We then headed to Shawnee National Forest where we hoped to see Garden of the Gods and possibly a couple of other stops. However, it started to rain, so we had to park and wait it out in the Outpost (great ice cream) before we drove on to Garden of the Gods. We did the short hike loop to see all of the overlooks. After that, we drove on to our overnight in Fairfield, Illinois, at an Airbnb. We drove through awful rain and finally arrived in Fairfield. 

This was one of our very favorite Airbnbs. It was a historic homes and we really enjoyed our time there. We got Pizza Hutt in town and brought it back to eat at the house.

Day 2: St Louis Arch NP, driving

We left pretty early to get on our way to St. Louis. We arrived in St. Louis and parked downtown. I knew that it was unlikely we could ride the car up since we had not made reservations due to not being sure what time we would get there, but we could at least walk around the park. We parked in a hotel public parking lot and walked a couple of blocks. We then walked around the Gateway Arch park, got funnel cakes down at the river, and made our way back to the car. It isn’t something I would go out of my way to see, but the Arch up close was actually a little cooler than I expected. Plus, when you’re checking off all of the parks, this is a necessary stop.

We then had a long drive ahead to Omaha, Nebraska. We made it to that town in time to grab some Arby’s and overnight there in a hotel, the New Victorian Inn and Suites in Omaha. The hotel was ok.

Day 3: Sioux Falls, Corn Palace, Dignity Statue, Badlands

We left pretty early and drove to Falls Park in Sioux Falls, SD. We had a nice leg stretch break that we spent walking the falls and then going up on the observation deck, which is a nice little view. Pretty quickly after we stopped, we needed to head on. We drove to Mitchell, SD, see the Corn Palace and look around. This wasn’t a stop I was certain we would take, but I ended up being glad we did because the kids and my dad thought the place was pretty cool. 

From there, we grabbed some fast food and then drove on to Chamberlain, SD, see the Dignity Statue. This one is a little hard to get to from that direction because it’s actually in a rest area. You can map to it, and it was one of my all-time favorite sites on the whole trip. Absolutely positively stunning and beautiful! It doesn’t have to be a long stop, just long enough to walk over to it and take pics, use the restroom in the nice welcome center, picnic tables if you want to make it a food stop.

The next stop from there was on to one of our major National Park destinations, Badlands National Park. It was late afternoon by the time we arrived, which was perfect for temperatures. We hiked the Windows Trail and the Notch Trail (the kids went all the way to the top, up the ladder, which I did not do but they loved). It was a great hike and scenery. We then drove the scenic drive where we saw quite a bit of wildlife. We stopped at a great place to watch the sunset, then finished our short drive to our overnight at Frontier Cabins and Motel Resort in a cabin and a tipi. 

About that place… They didn’t have cabins big enough for the 7 of us, so I booked a cabin and a tipi. Therefore, Roman and I ended up in the tipi. Now we have stayed in a legitimate tipi in the Navajo Nation last year during fall break. It was VERY simple, but a cool experience. THIS… was not. There was no electricity and the TOP OF IT WAS OPEN. If it had rained, it would have rained in. No beds, just two camp cots. The bottom of the tipi was what was the worst part— it was open about 6 inches from the walls to the ground. So any animal, any snake, any person, anything, could have gotten in. It was miserable and I would never stay there again, cheap or not. The CABIN, however, was VERY nice for the rest of them. Small but super nice and clean.

Day 4: Wall Drug, Wind Cave NP, Crazy Horse Statue, Mt Rushmore

Since we didn’t get to see Wall Drug the day before and they say that EVERYONE has to see Wall Drug at least once, we made that stop in the AM. It was… a one of a kind place that you only need to see once. :) We then headed across to see Wind Cave NP. We knew that we wouldn’t be able to go down in the cave (due to not having reservations), but we DID think we would get to see more. However, the place was absolutely SWAMPED with people, no parking, roads shut down for construction, absolutely ridiculous. We did NOT enjoy that park.

We also made a decision regarding the Crazy Horse Statue, and that was to just see it from the highway and not pay the $50 to get closer. Our final stop that day was Mt Rushmore. I honestly did not expect to be very impressed by it, but I was. Really cool stop. It is $10 to park there, but it’s refunded if you are a senior or military. They do a lighting ceremony at night for veterans, but we were worried about rain so we didn’t stay for that. 

Our next overnight was at a hotel in Hill City, SD. It is more of a mom-and-pop kind of hotel, the Spring Creek Inn, but they were so kind and accommodating about allowing an extra person in a rollaway bed. The kids did NOT like that stop (we were all in the same large room with mini-kitchen and bathroom and it IS dated, but it didn’t bother me). We stopped to check in, then headed to Hill City downtown to shop and eat AND to see the largest Smokey the Bear statue in the world. It was seriously cool.

Day 5: Custer State Park, Needles Hwy, Iron Mtn Rd

We got up early to go to Custer State Park. I had heard that it was every bit as amazing as a national park, and I had heard right. We first did the wildlife loop since it was early and we were hoping to see some. We did see some buffalo and such, but the best part was the begging burros. You should see them pretty easily, there is a large parking lot and many people were gathered. We loved getting to play with them and pet them a little bit. After making the rest of the loop, we left the park to do the Needles Hwy and Iron Mountain Rd drives. Make sure to go in the right direction (no clue which way that is) to be able to go through the tunnel and come out with Mt. Rushmore framed there. So cool! 

Our overnight that night was at a hotel in Custer, the Days Inn by Wyndham Custer. I do NOT recommend this one at all. However, the whole town was booked up and so there weren’t a lot of options. Custer has a great little downtown area (very walkable) and we enjoyed shopping and eating there.

Day 6: Little Bighorn National Battlefield Monument, driving

I took a long time deciding which route we should take to get to Yellowstone. I was very interested in seeing the Little Bighorn National Battlefield Monument, so that is the way I decided we should go. Yet again, it was the best choice. The battlefield itself was such a sobering and hallowed experience. We listened to a park ranger talk in the beginning and it was powerful. I knew he must have been a history teacher, and it turns out he was a college professor of history. We did the walk from the visitors center to the memorial, then did the driving loop. Not only was it historic and meaningful, it was also beautiful. If we had had more time and/or it had been a little cooler, we would have walked down into the fields to see more. From there, we went on to the Ledgestone Hotel in Billings, Montana. This was by far one of the nicest places we stayed. We also found a Walmart there and were able to stock up on more groceries.  

Day 7: Yellowstone North Section

It was a short and gorgeous drive the next day to get to Yellowstone’s North Entrance, the Roosevelt Arch. I LOVED getting to take pictures of it and see that entrance. The first thing we did was head to the Mammoth Hot Springs area of the park and the kids walked the terrace. Then we drove through the Lamar Valley (a place I want to spend more time in) and out of Yellowstone via the NE entrance. On the way to Cody, we drove the Chief Joseph Highway. I had heard that it was an absolutely incredible drive. However, I think if I had it to do over, I would skip it. It wasn’t especially pretty and it was very curvy and precarious. 

We got into Cody in time to check into the Buffalo Bill Village in Cody, Wyoming, which was a relatively nice cabin for all of us. We ate that night at Granny’s (HIGHLY recommend), shopped, and then went to the nightly Cody rodeo which was SO MUCH FUN for all of us!

There is a little play/shootout in the street, which was cool too. Cody is a nice little town.

Day 8: Yellowstone Middle Section

We ate at Granny’s again (I know) and got Kraig at the airport. Then we headed back into Yellowstone through the East Entrance. We saw Yellowstone Lake from above, took the Artist Paint Pots walk, and went to Grand Canyon of Yellowstone. Angela and Kraig did a mini hike while we waited for them. We ended that day in the Hayden Valley, eating a picnic lunch and watching wildlife. We also caught a grizzly on the way out!!! 

We came back to Cody through the East Entrance again and it was a white-knuckled drive in the dark. The reflectors were missing from the road and it was nothing I ever want to repeat. We spent a second night in the Buffalo Bill Village.

Day 9: Buffalo Bill Dam and State Park, Yellowstone Southern and Western Section

On the way back into Yellowstone, we stopped at the Buffalo Bill Dam Visitors Center. The little history exhibit and the views were so neat there. We also made a quick stop at the Buffalo Bill State Park for a gorgeous picture at the reservoir there. We entered Yellowstone’s East Entrance again and past a waterfall and through the Old Faithful area (stop and see the Old Faithful Inn and eat some ice cream), then exited the West Entrance. With this plan, we were able to enter or exit each of the 5 Yellowstone entrances.

We overnighted in a resort in Island Park, Idaho, called Sawtelle Mountain Resort. It was the NICEST of all the places we stayed. We ended up wishing we had a little longer to be there (and I had considered booking an excursion through them but didn’t). It was very costly, but very nice. I would highly recommend spending a day or two here. It was very close to Yellowstone’s West Entrance but far enough away to be rid of the crowds, plus it had a lot to do in its own right.

Day 10: Grand Teton National Park (and a very unfortunate driving situation)

So on this day we were headed to the Tetons and I knew that there was a scenic route. However… I made a very poor choice. We drove down through Idaho on the Mesa Falls Scenic Byway (and did not even take the road across to see Mesa Falls, which was idiotic) and across to the Tetons. However, said road across to the Tetons was a THIRTY-FOUR MILE GRAVEL DRIVE. And not the fast kind of gravel, either. THEN we come upon a sign that says you shouldn’t go any further unless you have four wheel drive (we were in a mini-van), at which point I had a total breakdown, stopped the car, started crying and dry-heaving, went to my parents’ car, Kraig got in the driver’s seat and STARTED DRIVING, so I had to basically sit in Emma’s lap in the back of my parents’ car and cry into her hair. I wish any part of that was made up but it was not. (It was something Ranch Rd and it was a terrible idea).

We finally made it to the road into the north entrance of the Tetons. We then drove part of the loop, stopping for the walk at Schwabacher Landing and the Moulton Barn area, then headed into Jackson for lunch and shopping. What we found is that Jackson is overrun with humanity in the summer, overpriced, and not our favorite place. We shopped a bit, then had a picnic lunch at the car parked in front of City Hall. Haha! Our overnight that night was in an Airbnb in Idaho Falls, so we headed over Teton Pass to Idaho Falls. Our Airbnb was PERFECT and we got some carryout dinner and enjoyed a relaxing evening watching a movie.

Day 11: Grand Teton NP- Jenny Lake

With some encouraging from us, my parents decided to take a rest and laundry day and stay at the Airbnb (they had a whole trip ahead of them once we left to head home, so conserving energy was a good plan). The 6 of us got up before the sun and headed back over Teton Pass into the park. We drove Moose-Wilson Rd (gravel but not bad) in the hopes of seeing wildlife (we did not see any). Then we stopped at the Chapel of the Transfiguration and WOW what an incredible sight! I hated that it was so icky and cloudy because that was stunning.

Our main plan for the day was to go to Jenny Lake and hike to Hidden Falls. We had a tough time finding a parking spot (even though it was still very early), but we finally did. We took the boat across Jenny Lake and only Emma intended to ride it back, so we bought all one-way tickets except her round-trip ticket. We then made the relatively short hike to Hidden Falls. It was very pretty, but a little underwhelming in my mind. Angela and Kraig then proceeded to do a longer hike to Inspiration Point and into Cascade Canyon while Emma, Kelsey, Roman, and I waited for them. Once they finally returned, the overwhelming feeling for everyone waiting was one of hanger, so three of the four kids chose to ride the boat back across.

It was only a little over a two mile hike around the lake, defined as “easy”, so I knew I could easily make it back to the car walking. (Narrator: She did NOT, actually, “EASILY MAKE IT BACK TO THE CAR WALKING”.) First of all, I had to go to the bathroom. Second of all, it was a longer hike than it said and my Fitbit agreed with me. Thirdly, a freaking thunderstorm started and I was petrified we were going to die on the way back. As a positive, we did see a moose at the Moose Ponds overlook, so that was cool. It started to rain on us (and thunder and lightning) but we did safely make it to the bottom where the rest of our people were waiting for us.

We spend the remaining time in the Tetons driving a little more of the loop that we had missed, eating lunch along the river, and then heading back to Idaho Falls to meet my mom and dad for a Mexican dinner.

Day 12: Snake River Float and Casper

We got up early the next day to head back to the Tetons for our Snake River Float. I had been most excited about this for our trip and it DID NOT disappoint. I had wanted to do the evening dinner float (more chances to see wildlife) or the sunrise float (same), but neither were available on the date we needed, so a lunch float it was. It was still GORGEOUS and relaxing and a beautiful experience (and we did see a moose and several eagles, so that was awesome).  The company was phenomenal and the guide super talented. They had a picnic lunch for us and it was just an all around great experience.

Once our float was over, it was time to head on to Casper. I wish that we had taken more time on that drive because let me tell you, the Togwotee Pass and those meadows were STUNNING! We also thoroughly enjoyed the scenery around Riverton and Lander (which is where our RV stay would have been if we had gone that route).

In Casper, we stayed in the Ramkota Hotel, a really, really nice stop. Mom and dad stayed another day in Casper and found it to be a delightful little town.

Day 13: Devil’s Tower, Spearfish/Deadwood, South Dakota

The first activity of this day was to part ways with Mom and Dad, a really sad time for me. I hated to leave them alone for the couple of days before my sister flew in, both for the sake of loneliness and also worry about their health. I also just hated to see something I had looked forward to for so long come to an end. I cried as we drove away from them in Casper. They stayed a few more days in Cheyenne for Cheyenne Frontier Days.

Then we were on the road home! We did plan some fun stops so that it wasn’t a terribly boring drive, though. This first day, we stopped at Devil’s Tower. We did not go all the way (I thought I would later regret that fact but, so far, I do not), just stopped a distance out to see it. The kids were less than excited by it (one of them said, “Petrified Tree #2!”, a reference to the Petrified Tree in Yellowstone that they did not care one bit for). 

We then headed on to Spearfish. There, we stopped for Kraig to see the fishery (I have no idea) and then on to Spearfish Canyon. We did the scenic drive (I think it would have been more appealing to me had it not basically looked exactly like our East TN mountains) and stopped to do the hike to Devil’s Bathtub. It stormed just as we got there, so we waited out the storm, then started the hike. For once, I can tell you that the hike didn’t bother me a bit and we enjoyed playing in the water once we got there. We hiked back out and headed the rest of the way down the scenic drive. I had a couple of other stops I had planned for us to make but A. A storm was threatening and B. People had to go to the bathroom, so we just went on to Deadwood. 

The kids LOVED Deadwood. I didn’t expect to care much for it but it was really a cute place. We saw the famous cemetery from a distance, watched a shootout in the street, had some dinner, and did some shopping. It was a nice stop on our way back home.

We stayed at The Lodge at Deadwood so that Kraig could game a little on our way back. He stayed out late and we turned in early. It was a really nice hotel.

Day 14: Theodore Roosevelt National Park

We left the next morning headed to what I had eagerly anticipated, the last national park of the trip, Theodore Roosevelt National Park. We decided to do the North and South units because they seemed so varied, and although it made for a lot of driving, I’m glad we did.

My main regret about this stop is that I didn’t schedule in the Medora Musical. I have heard it is fantastic, and I would have liked to have seen it.

We did the north unit first and it was stunning. We didn’t do any long hikes in either unit, just overlooks and scenic drives and short walks. We saw the wild horses, buffalo, and so. many. Prairie dogs!!! We then drove to the south unit and had dinner in Medora before going in. We had just enough time to stop at the visitor center and drive through before stopping at a recommended place to watch the sunset (excellent choice and one of my favorite parts of the entire 17 day trip). {This is also the location of one of our kids driving our car to take another kid to the bathroom and sideswiping the guardrail, messing up my van, and Kraig losing his wallet, but …. We don’t hold it against Theodore Roosevelt NP. ;) }

I wish I had gotten us lodging in Medora but there are very few options and it didn’t work out, so we drove on to Dickinson, ND, to the Hampton Inn and Suites. I had put in that we were a party of 6, and it is called “Inn AND SUITES”, so I assumed that we had beds for… I don’t know… SIX PEOPLE. As Kraig and I were frantically taking the car apart in search of his wallet, the kids called from the room to let us know that there were only 2 queen beds. Yes. This is where the trip felt like it was falling apart. HAHA! They were kind enough to send up a rollaway (if you’re keeping score at home, that equals… FIVE people, still not SIX…), so we made it work. Kraig got up early the next morning to go back to the park and look for his wallet but no dice. {Update: Someone turned it into the visitor center and they mailed it back to him a couple of weeks later, MONEY STILL IN IT! National park visitors are the BEST and so are the rangers!!!} Anyway, Dickinson was an easy drive so if you can’t get lodging in Medora, it’s fine. This hotel wasn't our best. :)

Day 15: Rochester, MN, Baseball Game

Our original plan was to stay around Minneapolis and go to Mall of America. However, a close family friend was staying in Rochester playing in a college summer ball league and they had a home game, so we adjusted our plans to include that. We had a loooooooong drive that day (the longest of the trip) but ended it with a beautiful night watching America’s sport in a pretty ball stadium (and they got that W!). 

Our hotel that night was AmericInn by Wyndham Rochester. Not the best, not the worst.

Day 16: Driving, American Gothic House, Hannibal

I purposely routed us a little out of the way so that we could drive the Great River Rd section through Wisconsin (new state!). It was pretty, and I assume it’s gorgeous in the fall. We also went a bit out of the way for a stop for good old mom, and that was to the American Gothic House is Eldon, Iowa. My obsession with that place and that painting goes a long way back and it was cool for me to be able to take the props and recreate the pic with me and Kraig. 

Our night stay was supposed to be in Hannibal, Missouri. I wanted to do the Mark Twain stuff and then stay there. However, we got there a little bit after most things were closed (but still walked though the town and down to the riverboat). We were all feeling pretty good about driving further, so we called our hotel in Hannibal and found that we could cancel with no charges. We canceled that sucker and kept on going. 

We passed the St Louis Arch at sunset (stunning) stopped just outside St. Louis for some Cracker Barrel dinner, and headed on to Metropolis, Illinois to stay. I can’t remember the name of the hotel we stayed in but you wouldn't want that recommendation anyway. ;) We called a Harrah’s there but even with Kraig’s points and them comping one room, the resort fee made it too much. 

Day 17: Home!

We left the hotel and drove to downtown Metropolis for a quick pic with the Superman statue (pretty cool how that town has played off of that name) and headed on! 

We stopped in Nashville at my BIL’s house to get Kraig’s vehicle and then it was onward to home! The only rain we had to drive through on the whole trip was day one in Tennessee and KY and IL and day 17 between Nashville and Cleveland! 

Reflections/Changes: 

Honestly, there isn’t a lot I would change about this trip at all. We knew that it was going to simultaneously be a very fast trip and also a very long trip. We knew that there would be things that went better by taking cars and not the RV (saving some time, covering more ground, etc) and that there would be trade offs to taking the cars and not the RV (lodging cost, convenience). We knew that it would be another “survey” trip, although I think most people with me feel that they saw enough of each place that they don’t need to return. I would like to return to the Tetons, Yellowstone, and maybe the Badlands.

We knew that going in July would be tough as far as weather and also crowds. The weather actually was perfect. As for crowds, I don’t have a basis for comparison so I don’t know.

I do wish we had done String and Taggert Lakes in the Tetons and that we had gone swimming in several places. 

Wind Cave felt useless, but at least I can check it off my list.

I’m soooooo glad we made Custer part of the trip. I absolutely loved it.

Theodore Roosevelt National Park is incredibly underrated and I loved it.

The Snake River float was awesome and I still wish we had done sunset or sunrise.

Of course I would nix the 34 mile gravel road, and I really wish my phone would warn me of gravel roads.

Staying in Idaho Falls WAS a long way out. That drive was brutal each day, but we just didn’t have a lot of reasonably priced options at the time we booked.

For the most part, our driving distances each day were pretty well planned.

Sooooo glad I added Little Bighorn National Battlefield Monument.

Just, all in all, I’m so thankful we have the memories of this trip with my parents. I expect them to be around for many, many more years and to also be healthy enough to travel for many, but the odds of things lining up for all of us except Francisco to be able to do a trip like this together are very slim as the kids grow up and head to college and jobs. I’m just grateful. It was a wonderful 17 days!

(And I drove almost every single mile!!!)