I usually write this blog post on New Year’s Eve, before the family comes over to Sandy’s for pizza and games and the turning of the clock. This year I did a lot of reflecting in the days prior to December 31, and I considered writing the blog post then, but I decided to wait.
Never has there been a more clear illustration of my 2023 word than the one I am experiencing in this moment.
I’m writing this blog on my phone from a chair beside my mom’s hospital bed. It’s the first New Year’s Eve I haven’t spent with Kraig since we got engaged, the first I’ve ever been away from my kiddos. Yesterday, when I received word that she had been admitted (originally due to Flu A and a super low pulse ox but now kept for heart issues), I grabbed my stuff, kissed my family goodbye, and left WV for Tennessee so that my sister could leave the hospital and sit with my dad, who also has the flu at home. We thought she was going to be going home today, then the heart stuff ramped up, so we spent the day waiting on cardiology consults and a plan. If you’ve ever spent time in a hospital at the mercy of everyone else, you know how that went. Even now, no one has explicitly said we are here for the night but it’s 9:09 and that seems assumed.
… to remain, to stay… … to wait for, to await…
In truth, I wasn’t super pumped about this word. I worried that there was going to be a tortuous event or situation that I was going to have to tolerate, to pay the price of. But I always feel very strongly that my words of the year come from the Lord and so if I was going to need to be reminded of the ability to stay, I was going to be relieved that He was beside me.
I ended up seeing glimmers of what my word meant. It wasn’t a word that I was constantly reminded of, like 2022’s Shivelight. But instead it was a word I regularly reminded myself of.
As our entire family life changed, I had to abide in our new normal. I had to be left behind and abide in missing my kiddos but also watching them develop new lives in their new places. And MAN was that fun!
Regarding my health, I had to both abide and also push. I am so grateful for that day in September when I had a scary heart moment at school and had two people tell me what I needed to say to my doctor in order to get results. I’m thankful I saw a different doctor that next week, a PA who listened to me and immediately took action, setting all factors in place for a specialist to schedule a Halloween pacemaker. My life has been changed for the better and I am forever thankful for that.
Abide for me this year was a reminder of the ways He is beside us in all of the moments— big and little, high and low. He’s here in the crazy busy and when life comes to a grinding halt. He’s here when we are surrounded by people and when we are alone in a big empty house. He’s here to help when I take on too much and He’s here when I’m working to hold it all together.
Abide. 2023 was a year of abiding.
And honestly, when I look back on 2023, MAN was it an incredible year. I did have to grow a lot and learn a lot, but the high points were SO HIGH.
I told my mom, if all I did in 2023 was take our big family trip to Alaska (best trip of my life to date) and get a pacemaker, it would be a winner of a year. I repeated that to a friend, and told her that then you add in all of the AMAZING moments and accomplishments of my graduating seniors, watching Emma and Roman solidify their paths and achieve, seeing Francisco start to rebuild some roads and bridges, take more INCREDIBLE trips like our Empty Nest Fall Break trip to Europe, see my travel business meet and exceed the goals I set for myself a year ago, and take the UTTER JOY I am receiving from yearbook and… dadGUM 2023– you killed it. My friend then added, “And skydiving and getting to finally take kids to Model UN again” and YES! That too!
I have some work to do in 2024, some things I let slip in 2023 (mainly the second half of the year, and I think because I just kind of STOPPED in order to sort of reward myself for the utter insanity of things that I managed to pull of during the first half of the year), but I’m up for it.
My fears of this year’s word meaning it was going to be a year I had to tolerate didn’t pan out at all. The synonyms of abide are tarry, live, persevere, endure, bear, and support. In 2023, I LIVED. I persevered with Him supporting me every step. I’m headed into 2024 stronger from the abiding I did in 2023. And filled with joy at all that filled me in this previous year.
The picture with this blog post is not the best picture of me ever taken… even the best taken this year… or even the best taken on that particular trip. But it’s a picture that was taken without me knowing it was being taken, and I have never seen a candid photo of me that captures my sheer joy in a moment like that one does. We were on the whale watching boat and I was absolutely filled with delight with everything in my life at that time. It was utter, raw, pure, unadulterated JOY. That’s the abiding that 2023 gave me.