2019: Known Or.... NOT.

My New Year's reflection this year is, as many of them tend to be, a reflection on contradictions. Maybe that's just what adult life is... contradictions.

My word for 2019 was "Known". I started the year with hopes of knowing Jesus more and feeling more known by Him, of knowing my family and my people and being known by them, of knowing ME better and feeling known, of knowing my calling and must students better and being known by them, and of knowing my social circles better and being known by them.

There were points this year in which I decided that, not only was my One Little Word an ABYSMAL failure, but I had actually never had a year I which I knew less or was known any less. Then I started to break down the different areas of knowing and being known and I realized that it wasn't a failure, it just wasn't a complete success.

I read something last night by Rebekah Lyons about being careful who you allow to have the microphone in your life. That is such a powerful thought; but for me, I'm the one who sometimes should have the microphone. I have such an overwhelming tendency to magnify my losses and my failures and minimize my gains and my successes. And that's not the way of my Father.

2019 was a year of transitions for our family. I said on instagram today that, for Kraig and I, it was absolutely the most parenting transition year other than 2003, 2005, and 2017, all of which were years we added actual new humans to our lives. One child graduated high school and started college and work, another child moved into the upperclassman years, and two transitioned from middle school to high school. Three kids gained some independence, as we got three driver's licenses in 2019. We saw our roles as parents start to shift as our kids moved into new phases of life and it was... weird.

This year we watched God do a most amazing thing for us. Just before the end of 2018, we felt like he was calling for six of us (instead of the original 3 we had planned) to go to Cambodia this past summer. But to do that, we had to raise $10,800. Although we have seen God raise miraculous amounts of money before, there were moments in this process that we weren't sure it was going to happen. However, in most amazing of ways, He did it. I still need to write a whole post about that, and I eventually will. For every moment of that trip, it was confirmed over and over again that He wanted us all six in Cambodia at that time. I will forever cherish the memories of that amazing ten days with those beautiful people and the ways it has shaped my life and the life of my family forever.

In 2018, I had the first cancer scare of my life. I got word in November that all was well, and I settled in to enjoy peace until that dreaded "six month follow-up". That appointment took place in May 2019, and it was at that point that I entered the second cancer scare of my life. That one ended with a surgery and, thankfully, the words "all clear" when the results came in. I had not told the kids or anyone but Kraig and my mom anything about it in 2018 until we had the results of "benign", but in 2019 they knew that I would have a follow-up, so it was a stressful time for all of us.

It's no secret that I love watching my kids do things that they love and excel at, and watching a kid compete at the collegiate level in a sport was incredible. Francisco had such a fabulous cross country season with Cleveland State and it was awesome to watch. The others had great swim seasons (Kelsey), tennis seasons (Roman and Emma), cross country seasons (Kelsey, Roman, and Angela), and JROTC Raiders Competition season (Angela). Emma also did Model UN again and all of the kids found clubs they enjoyed. Francisco had an awesome end to high school with scholarships and a class award. Everyone had a great end of the school year in May as far as grades and awards and so far, we have enjoyed a great current school year academically.

It's also been an exceptional year of spiritual growth for all seven of us. I have watched my kids lean into their callings and seen their gifts from Him start to crystallize and shine. Seeing them in Cambodia as they ministered to the kids there, watching them work in kids' church, seeing the connections Emma is making with kids she baby-sits, hearing Francisco practice his sermon for the college ministry has been a joy of 2019.

Professionally, I have had a really great 2019. The last school year ended strong in regard to my students, although there were some significant disappointments and what felt very much like betrayals in other aspects, but the Lord has taught me that sometimes the way to cope is to forget. And so that is what I have done. This school year has been a great blessing so far. I gave up a leadership position and that ended up being a very wise choice for me. My students this past semester was really wonderful, even with an odd group and a challenging group.

Our business had a great year and functioned exactly as it was meant when we created it. We used For Such a Time Creations to raise funds for our mission trip to Cambodia and it did so very successfully.

I guess, coming out of 2019, it's been a year of major growth. I said at the beginning of this post that I had failed terribly at my word, "Known", and yet I think I probably learned more about myself in 2019 than anything else. I continue on a journey of self-learning, self-knowing, as I learn more about and know HIM who created me.

Philadelphia

For Francisco’s “13th bday trip” (at almost 20), Kraig took him to Philadelphia. I’ll detail their itinerary below, but here are a few of the details below for planning purposes.

We used Airbnb for their stay and it was a great location for what they were doing, not fancy but fine. That link is here.

We booked City Passes, which were good for both days and included the Aquarium, Franklin Institute, Zoo, Bus Tour, One Liberty Deck, Eastern state Penitentiary, Museum of American Revolution, and National Constitution Center.

We also booked a Philadelphia by Foot Tour, a company we try to use everywhere we go. He did the Independence Mall Tour, which included outside the Liberty Bell, outside Independence Hall, outside Congress Hall, 1st and 2nd Banks, City tavern, Christ Church, Elfreth Alley, Franklin Burialgrounds, Old City Hall, and the Betsy Ross House.

They flew in on Saturday at 10. They took a taxi from the airport to the city center. They went straight to the Independence Hall Visitor’s Center for their bus tickets, then took the bus around. They stopped at Reading Terminal for cheesesteaks, went to the Eastern State Pen, and stopped at the Art Museum to see the Rocky Statue and run the steps. They got off at a bus stop near their Airbnb.

Their Sat night plan was the 49’ers vs Warriors game. They caught a taxi over, planning to eat around the stadium, but there weren’t many restaurants and everything was jam-packed. Instead, they ate IN the game. The ride back to their lodging was easy.

On Sunday AM, they were at Independence Hall at 8:55 AM to get their tickets (pre-booked). Their tour was at 9:40 and they took a 30 min tour and saw the Liberty Bell. Their Philly by Foot Tour was at 10:30, starting from the Betsy Ross House (just across from where they were). That tour ended at Christ Church. Their Segway tour (pre-booked and a great Groupon deal!) started at 12:30. That tour was really fun, although cold!

After another Philly cheesesteak, they headed back to the airport and came home!

A Red and Green Decision

It's December 20.

I have read so many people lately who are posting about keeping things simple during the holiday season, about letting go of the rush and the traditions and just cherishing time.

And I think that's very valid, so valid that in the midst of the most rushed Christmas season I can remember (which I likely say every year because I can't ever remember how bad it truly was the last time-- it's like childbirth), I decided to follow that advice.

There are several things that I let go of this year in favor of a simpler season and more time to just survive.

What I have realized on this December 20 that feels, not like 5 days before Christmas but like just any day in the early winter, is that I need the traditions. I need the markers, the little bit of liturgy, the rhythms that have always marked the seasons for me and that cause my brain and my body to pause and remember that it's not just early winter, it's CHRISTMAS.

If what works for you is slowing down and cutting some things out... do it.

But if what you need in order to feel the excitement of the season rather than just numb is to plan the events and nod to the traditions and give yourself the anticipation... do it.

One thing I try to emphasize to my kids at home and my kids at school is that a hugely important part of adult life is learning what works for you. And then doing it.

So next year, count us back in for the Polar Express Lights Night (which we may still work in), decorating our porches, turning on the tree lights every day when we get home, hosting a Christmas party, participating in RACK, and taking on a benevolence project.

And because I think it was the late Thanksgiving that messed me up so badly, I have set reminders on my phone for next year to tell me when I need to start this or that preparation so as not to be caught off-guard and then end up scrapping things next year.

I have learned that I'm a Christmas Tradition girl, and next year is going to feel a lot more red and green than this year has so far!

For Such a Time

22 out of 30. That’s my total for my November goal to blog every day. It’s not 100%, not even really close, but I’m happy with it!

Today is the end of Thanksgiving weekend (Saturday night) and it takes my breath away (literally— I’ve had a pounding heart and shortness of breath all day long) to look down the barrel of the next 25 days. It is always the busiest, most hectic time as we have various holiday obligations, holiday delights, business craziness (for which we are grateful!), ending semesters at school, buying gifts, and trying to make everything special while also trying to keep the main thing, the main thing.

Today is also Small Business Saturday. We have been SO BLESSED in the past 4 years of our business, For Such a Time Creations. God has used this little dream of ours to provide funds for ministry, for missions, for fun, for an adoption, and for support. He has allowed us to do work for our church and other ministries at cost and for fundraisers at a lower price for them. He has let us use it to employ our children, and the time spent working side by side with my family members is so special to me. I truly see this as a creative outlet for me that I think has partially saved my sanity through these past four sometimes stressful years.

We have made new friends and discovered new missions through this business. We are blessed every time people trust us with a special time in their lives, every time an organization chooses us to create their tangible memories. We hope that we steward well all that our customers trust us with, and that the God who has entrusted us with so much is pleased with our business decisions.

We believe that we were given this dream “for such a time as this,” as long as that time lasts.

Tiny Changes

We are rearranging our house a bit (moved the dining room table to the main room, moved the little breakfast room table and the couch to the old dining room, adding a closet to our bedroom) and I'm struck by how totally different a place can seem with very small changes. Everything in the downstairs feels new to me every time I walk in, and it's just from making tiny changes.

It makes me realize that trying to drastically overhaul an entire life is completely unnecessary. You can see things from a new perspective and be pleased with progress just from making tiny changes here and there. I try to remember this as I set goals for myself, but inevitably I forget and end up trying to do way too much, which almost always results in failure.

Tiny changes. Tiny changes are how you change your world.

Fall Break Adventure Smorgasbord

In keeping with my logging of travel on here, I thought I would do a post about Fall Break '19, which was a smorgasbord of adventure.

Our original plan was to head to Florida and go to Sea World and Busch Gardens. Then Kraig found out about a conference he needed to attend the following day (after our trip) and, in consulting a map, I realized that it made a lot more sense for us all to just go straight to the city of his conference from Florida, then come home. THEN I decided to make some stops along the way! It was a great trip, and a great way for our kids to see more cities and historical sites, PLUS we stayed in some great Airbnb's.

Day 1, Saturday
Drove straight to Florida. If you have never stopped at the Clothing Carnival on the way, I highly recommend it. It's around Valdosta, and it's a great stop. Chacos were $30!!!
We had planned to buy tickets online, but at the last minute we decided to be cheap and see what they had to offer for people who went to time share presentations. We found a ticket outlet, didn't like the offerings, went in a second one, and got a great deal. We ended up not only getting tickets to both parks but we also got a meal plan at both places for all six of us and almost for cheaper than the online ticket only price!
Our Airbnb for this part of our trip was in Lakeland, which ended up being an excellent choice. The place was perfect for our family and the location was fabulous.

Day 2, Sunday
We went to Sea World on this day after our time share presentation. We all loved it SO MUCH. The weather was supposed to be rainy but ended up just being cloudy. It was excellent weather, tiny crowd, easy drive in and out. The meal plan paid off SO MUCH just at Sea World because there were lots of food and snack options and we ate far more than our money's worth. We had intended to get dinner once we left the park, but we ended up deciding to eat supper there too and save money!

Day 3, Monday
We went to Busch Gardens on the second day. It was awesome, for sure, but a lot of what we remembered and loved about it had changed (no safari ride, for example). The weather was ick, so we got wet often and many of the rides were closed. However, it was still a great day and there was almost NOBODY there. We didn't feel like the meal options here were as good as Sea World, but we, again, ate dinner before we left the park.

Day 4, Tuesday
This was our driving and stopping day. We left at a decent time and drove north along the coast. Our first stop was in St. Augustine. We went straight to the fort and walked around, then drove through the old city. We grabbed lunch and headed further north to Savannah, GA. On that stop, we parked at the visitor center (free) and got a map. Using the map, we hopped the city trolley (also free), the dot shuttle, and rode to the famous ice cream shop, Leopold's. After getting our cones, we decided to do some walking. We saw one of the famous cemeteries, the beautiful church, Flannery O'Conner's house, and several squares (including the one where Forrest Gump was filmed). We were close enough by then that we just walked back to our car. The next leg of our drive took us north to Asheville, NC, which is where Kraig's conference was and where we spent the night in our next Airbnb. I hated that we weren't here longer because her place was just adorable!

Day 5, Wednesday
Kraig had his conference, so we all left the Airbnb early and dropped him off. I had considered a lot of different plans for this day and had actively researched hikes and waterfalls and such. It was VERY foggy and cloudy, which really limited our options. We stopped at a Goodwill while we waiting for the fog to burn off some, then headed to a town along the Blue Ridge Parkway (I can't remember the name). At that point, we stopped at the visitor center and I went in to ask the ranger for advice. He recommended heading north to Mt. Mitchell, then stopping several places on the way back down. That's exactly what we did! Mt. Mitchell was pretty (though foggy). We walked to the top (more of a climb than I expected), then hiked down and around. I found that a short hike and a short walk aren't at all the same thing and my physical condition horrified me. The kids loved it. We then drove down, stopped at several overlooks and spots, including Craggy Gardens. The fog really hindered our views, unfortunately. We got back into Asheville and intended to do some shopping downtown (parked at the visitor center) but Kraig finished a bit early, so we picked him up, ate a late lunch downtown (do not recommend where we went), and headed back to Cleveland.

Day 6, Thursday
At home, which I 10/10 recommend. I give my bed and my house a 5 star rating. ;)

Day 7, Friday
With Francisco too this time, we left and headed to Damascus to bike the VA Creeper Trail. We thought we were going to have to drive two cars and ended up deciding taking the van with the bike rack and four bikes and renting three more was cheaper than driving two cars. We used a different company this time, Shuttle Shack, and we liked them (coupon online too). We also started the trail later in the day this time (around 1), which I HIGHLY recommend. We enjoyed our drive down very much, just like last time. We turned in our bikes and headed to downtown Damascus to see one of the Love installations (at a waterfall), then went to downtown Abingdon. I LOVED that city! We saw the Barter Theater, an old college, another Love installation (or two), the oldest restaurant in America, and ate pizza at Luna's, which was SO good. We then drove to Bristol, which is where our final Airbnb of fall break awaited. I got this one on the last minute and GOODNESS, it was nice! So perfect for us!

Day 8, Saturday
We had a family reunion in Bristol at 1, so we had some time after checkout of our Airbnb and we used it to explore downtown Bristol. We parked along the street and walked till we saw a most beautiful bakery, The Blackbird Bakery. It was DELICIOUS and adorable! We then walked the streets (saw another Love installation) and shopped a bit. We loved the flags on both sides of the street, we took the typical picture of one foot in each state, and we looked at the famous sign. We ended that day with a wonderful family reunion, then headed home to Cleveland!

Day 9, Sunday
Rest and relaxation and church in our sweet little hometown!

All My Life You Have Been Faithful

This probably won’t be a very long one, but it’s one of those crystal clear moments I had today where I could see directly into the heart of this belief system of mine and I want to document it for the times it won’t seem as free from “self” as it did today.

***And I clearly wasn’t the only one, because when Dawn got up to give the welcome, she danced around the very topic that God was addressing in my own heart, though she had a slightly different point that she made today.

We did that Bethel music song, “Goodness of God” in praise and worship. As we were singing the part that says,

“And all my life You have been faithful
And all my life You have been so, so good
With every breath that I am able
Oh, I will sing of the goodness of God”

I got emotional, as I always do, because He HAS been so faithful all my life, He has been SO GOOD. And then I remembered that a year ago right now, I had just ended a scary series of tests and wait to see if a tumor was malignant or benign, and then that just six months later, I was waiting for more tests on the same tumor, this time surgically removed. As we did that song today, I marveled at how different my life COULD BE today if those test results had come back different.

Just as those thoughts filled my head, my gaze fell on a young widower in our church... and he was singing with gusto. I looked just a little past him and saw a woman with chronic health issues, head raised toward the heavens as she sang. Further over in the sanctuary, someone battling terrifying family issues... a family deserted by their father... a widow who lost her husband tragically at a very young age... a family battling a horrible situation... a mom who lost her only son to drugs and mental illness... and every single one of those people I just named were singing those lines and praising His name. Then, to my immediate left, Angela’s hand slipped into the air... mom, dad, sister killed in a typhoon, orphaned at 8... moved from the only place she had ever known to a new home and new people... lived there for three years, then moved again, this time to another country, culture, language, and people... “all my life You have been faithful, and all my life You have been so, so good”...

Within me, it was welling up, “But that’s not GOOD! None of that is goodness! Goodness isn’t cancer, it isn’t death, it isn’t tragedy, it isn’t bad health, it isn’t drugs, it isn’t divorce or abandonment, it isn’t becoming an orphan! How can all of these people sing and MEAN those words? Those words are true for people like me who haven’t ever had to suffer, not for these people who have lived loss, who are walking through fire...” I’ve always had such fear and dread of what could be awaiting me in my future, anxiety of living through the time the axe is going to fall. I KNOW I am not charmed, I KNOW I’ve just been blessed and lucky so far and one day it’s going to run out. I live in fear of that day.

But all of a sudden today, as clear as could be, it hit me: The song, my faith, it doesn’t say that all my life has been GOOD. It says HE is good. That HE is faithful, and faithful means beside you, not keeping anything bad from happening but walking with you through the bad. And every person with hands raised, head tipped back, singing these words today who have lived the experiences I named above, they are all testaments to the rest of us that we CAN survive the worst and come through the fire, maybe not unscathed but stronger and with Him beside them.

There were others there today who I could name who are right in the middle of the hardest curve ball life could throw at them. There were fresh griefs, new terror, chronic sorrow, lasting tragedy... and those people, too, were singing. And if any of them looked around them like I did, they got a beautiful reminder that, while we wish the promise was for an easy life, it was actually for faithfulness and a good, good God... and we wouldn’t trade those in the midst of the hard for an easy life without Him, not now, not tomorrow, not yesterday, not ever.