2016 was the strangest year. I also measure my years in school years rather than calendar years and 2016 started halfway through an incredibly challenging school year. In fact, it was during the end of the 2015-16 school year and the first part of 2016 that I actively looked into going back to school to add a school counseling certification. I had started to feel like the true reward for me was in relationships and that, although I would desperately miss teaching literature, that I just didn't have what it took anymore to be in the classroom. I will never forget my lowest point, sitting in a room of consultants, school system personnel, and other teachers, and realizing that it was like everyone was speaking a different language than I did. I almost frantically scanned the room, doubting my call for the first time in my life, and my gaze rested on the guidance counselor. I thought about the students in my classroom that particular semester, students I was giving my all for, students who were suffering through so much more challenging situations than anyone should ever have to live through, and I realized that maybe I didn't have to speak the language of those in that room because I spoke the language of empathy and compassion and action and maybe that's what kids need. I contacted UTC and had my transcript sent to me (and none of this was a complete surprise because when I graduated with my undergrad in English and psychology, I did it with the thought that if teaching English wasn't my thing, I could always add a Master's in Christian Counseling) then checked with Lee and UTC and some other programs to see what was required. Sometime around March/April, the ground beneath my feet started to settle somewhat and light pierced the darkness. I decided to give myself another school year before I made a decision. The year ended with a graduation ceremony for a group of kids I will adore forever and ever.
At the same time I was fighting and struggling through a difficult school year, things in our family were so hard. I have always cherished the close relationship that our entire extended family has but that close relationship also means more people to worry over. My grandparents' health failed drastically in 2015-2016 and the spring of 2016 came with some incredibly hard decisions for my mom and Uncle Doug. My grandaddy fell and broke his hip in March and we were all forced to face, for the first time, how affected my Grandmother was by dementia. My mom and Doug and Pam took turns staying with her and we granddaughters did what we could in taking turns as well to relieve them. It hurt so much to see my grandmother in her situation, to see my mom in pain and exhausted, and to see my grandparents living in two separate places. In June, we moved my grandmother into the nursing home to share a room with my grandaddy and, though it broke my heart to know she was leaving her house for the last time, I was so thankful that they would be able to spend their days side-by-side again. The summer brought an emotional respite (a much-needed one) but also a lot of physical work (mostly for my mom, although we helped as we could) preparing the house my grandparents had lived in for an estate sale and eventual sale of the house. This was equally torturous, having to see my mom struggle with feelings of guilt and anxiety and pain, even though the decisions made were clear, were best, and were the only possible options.
The summer of 2016 brought a major highlight, and one I had been hoping to see since 2013.... Kelsey got her turn to go to Cambodia with us. It was so special, first of all to get to return after two years, but then also to get to share the place and people I love with her. And I saw a Kelsey on that trip that showed me that the heart I have always knew she had for others is truly HER. There is nothing like seeing your kids engaged in ministry and walking beside other people.
The LAST thing I ever expected from 2016 (or any year) was a medical situation, but the summer ended in an ambulance, an ICU unit, and an operating room. The days of worry, of a low heartrate, of questions in the hospital, of surgery recovery, and of missing the first days of a new school year were days of solidifying a lesson God has been working with me on for many years now, but a lesson that was forged the summer before in a little outdoor Jerusalem cafe in the shadow of the Old City Walls... a lesson to Be Still and Know. God had to reveal parts of myself to me the summer before, then test that in that hot first week of August to prepare me for what was to come the following weeks and months. Thankfully the health situation resolved itself (minus one gall bladder and still with a crazy low heartbeat) and I started the 2016-2017 school year feeling weak physically but stronger than ever before in others. (This is an interesting paradox to my start of the 2015-2016 year in which I started feeling physically stronger than ever before but weaker in so many others...)
This past school semester has been such a pleasurable one for me and the girls as far as school is concerned. My classes were just precious and adorable, filled with beautiful souls who blessed my spirit. My Holocaust Lit class was the most productive and efficient I have ever taught, offering an incredible redemption for me in my purpose in that venue. Kelsey started middle school and has just owned it, as I knew she would. She has made wonderful friends, friends I would have picked for her, has succeeded academically, and just made her third sports team of the school year. Emma has carried all of the success and joy that she started middle school with into her final year there, solidifying friendships and academics and athletics. They are both growing in their relationship with God and have had several spiritual experiences through our youth group that I am so thankful to see. Although Kraig isn't in school, he too has had a successful and productive year of work, finishing his 20th year at Lifecare, a fact that is rare in this day and time and something I am so proud of him for accomplishing.
I can't write a post about 2016 and not mention the election, but I also can't write a post about 2016 and discuss the election right now. It all still feels too heavy and too raw to talk about yet, and maybe ever. If nothing else, it drove me to my knees and I have no doubt that as I pray for the country, the office, and the President, it will keep me there.
August 11 was the beginning of that spontaneous drive off the main path that led to the incredible and unexpected beauty, because that was the day I saw a Facebook post that forever changed the trajectory of our lives. This part of our year has been covered in many different ways on this blog, so I won't belabor the point here, but the moments from August to this night have been filled with such a beautiful Presence of our Father, with an undeniable Peace, and with a certainty that we are following His Ultimate Call. Our family has grown in faith, in love one for another, and in anticipation of what is to come.
All in all, looking at it from this perspective (the end, haha!), 2016 has been a good year for us. There were moments of great struggle and great reward, but those are the rhythms of life. We look forward with great hope and excitement into 2017 and all that it will bring with it.
