Dear F, R, and A,
I have wanted to write you a letter so many times already but I always stopped short, afraid I couldn't bear the heartache if you never came to be ours to love. Tonight, I can write this letter with total certainty that your last name will be Davis by the year's end. Because today, we got the call that we have hoped to get since August and the call we have anticipated since December. But in all honesty, it was the call we have waited for since 2002. And it was the call I have hoped and prayed for in earnest since 2008.
Do you know what I have realized, though? Do you know why we never were in a situation to get that call in 2002 or 2008 or 2010 or 2012? Because you didn't need adoptive parents in 2002 or 2008 or 2010 or 2012. And I have zero doubt that God knew when you would need adoptive parents and that all along, He had us for you and you for us. You are the sons and daughter, brothers and sister, that were meant to be ours in 2017 and we are the parents and sisters that were meant to be yours in 2017. We know that your life has not been easy and that the path that has brought you to the point where we would get to know and love you is not a path that anyone would wish for. And tonight, as I thought about all of the events that have led all seven of us to this point, I wept for your hearts. I am so grateful, so deeply thankful that I get a chance to be your mom. But the only way I am getting to be your mom is through loss. And as much as I love you already and as much as I will always love you, I would rather you had never suffered what you have.
At the same time, though, I am so thankful for a Father who ordains our steps... a Daddy who has plans to prosper us and not to harm us. This world has pain and this world has sorrow and unfortunately, you have not endured the last of it, just as we haven't either. But through it all, God holds us in the very palm of His mighty hand. And God's beautiful plan for you and for us is to bring us together right here, right now. What an amazing Heavenly Father.
So tonight, I go to bed with the deepest sense of peace and joy about our future. I wish I could explain to you the ways I have fallen in love with you from 8,635 miles away. I wish you could see the scouring I do of every single post from your orphanage to find a glimpse of your faces, the way I zoom in and out and every which way on the pictures to see every detail of you. I wish you knew how many times I have watched every video I can find in order to hear your voices. I wish you could sense the prayers I have prayed over you as I fill dressers and trade closets and paint furniture and fill out paperwork and make fundraising shirts. I wish you knew the people who are so invested in your lives and your story. I wish you could hear my students call out as they pass me in the hallways, "Any news on the adoption?" I wish you knew how impossible it was to maintain any sense of decorum today on the phone with Jenica as she shared the news that it's official.... YOU are going to be OURS and WE are going to be YOURS.
The days to come, Sweet Three, are going to be filled with great excitement on our side of the ocean but I am not naive enough to expect that they will not also be filled with great anxiety and sadness on your side. Tonight I am praying the same prayer I have prayed for months, but this time I am praying it with great conviction because this time it's REAL... I am praying for your hearts to be prepared for the news you will soon receive. I'm praying that, even though you were not here to witness all of the events in the paragraph above, that you will sense the love that we have for you. The love that not only your immediate family has, but your extended family and your future friends and your church family, people who have actually already met you and love you and can't wait to have you closer than 8,635 miles away, your future teachers, and so many more also share. And most of all, I hope that you feel with great certainty and strength that the same God you are walking with in the Philippines will be right by your side as you enter this new life. He has carried you and preserved you and He will not leave you now.
For now still a stranger, but one day soon privileged to be called,
Mom
No comments:
Post a Comment