A Way

 For some back story, I've had a tough few days. We are in a major time crunch with our adoption, one that I have truly never let myself actually believe could happen. We knew starting out that "it would take a miracle" but I know the God of miracles and I know my own tenacity and Kraig's determination, so I knew it would be fine. And it was. For months. We had a slight delay in finding a psychologist, a small delay in getting our homestudy done, but for the most part it was beautiful. Until around December. 

We had a longer than expected wait on our I800A form which, coupled with the holiday break, made our official match delayed a LOT. I had believed all along we would travel in January and instead we weren't even officially matched till January. The next hurdle was the legal documents, which we expected to get quickly and instead of quickly, we are still waiting for them. We have to have those in order to submit the I800, and the I800 must be approved by March 12, which is the 18th birthday of our oldest.

 I had not had the heart to sit down with a calendar but I finally did it on Friday. It's not pretty. If we get the legals tonight (which we are praying fervantly for) and we submit the I800 tomorrow, it has to sit in a lockbox for 5-10 days to be checked for drug residue. I don't know if these are days or business days, but if they are business days and it takes 10, that means we will be left with exactly 10 days for I800 approval. The current average seems to be around 3-6 weeks, based on what I am seeing in a Filipino adoptive parent group. We do know of some who have gotten it more quickly and we of course intend to pull out all stops to make it happen. 

Friday, I found myself mired up in discouragement. I think I cried most of the day. It truly was the first time in this process that I have allowed myself to honestly consider the fact that we may not make the time limit. 

Yesterday started with a sweet little Godwink surprise that was encouraging and a pretty intentional decision to enjoy the day of volleyball with the girls and just not worry about it. As Kraig pointed out, there isn't a thing that we can do by worrying about it. (Wouldn't if be nice if my mind worked like Kraig's???) Last night, however, a possible new hiccup came along and one that I'm still not certain won't be a problem for us. I'm waiting to hear back from our case manager on that. 

This morning, I awoke to a sense of an uneasy peace. ("Uneasy peace"??? That's quite a paradox!) I knew that people at church would be checking in with us and, while the encouragement and concern are appreciated more than you can know, I so desperately wish that we had a positive update to share. We had a guest choir today and so I didn't expect our own choir to be singing but was very grateful when they actually led praise and worship. 

That's when it happened. This song, linked below. I'll be honest, I always worry about pasting lyrics what with copyright and all but I'm crediting my source and you NEED all the words to understand the message so I hope its fine. 

Made a Way by Travis Green

Made a way

Don't know how but you did it

Made a way

Standing here not knowing how we'll get through this test

But holding onto faith you know best

Nothing can catch you by surprise

You've got this figured out and you're watching us now

But when it looks as if we can't win

You wrap us in your arm and step in

And everything we need you supply

You got this in control

And now we know that

You made a way

When our backs were against the wall

And it looked as if it was over

You made a way

And we're standing here

Only because you made a way

You made a way

Now we're here

Looking back on where we come from

Because of you and nothing we've done

To deserve the love and mercy you've shown

But your grace was strong enough to pick us up

And you made a way

When our backs were against the wall

And it looked as if it was over

You made a way

And we're standing here

Only because you made a way [x2]

You move mountains

You cause walls to fall

With your power

You perform miracles

There is nothing that's impossible

And we're standing here

Only because you made a way

You made a way [x4]

Don't know how but you did it

Made a way

Don't know how but you did it

Made a way

Don't know how but you did it [x4]

Don't know why but I'm grateful [x4]

Don't know how but I'm grateful

And we're standing here

Only because you made

And we're standing here

Only because you made a way

And we're standing here

Only because you made

You move mountain [x4]

You cause walls to fall [x4]

You cause chains to break [x4]

Giants fall [x4]

'Cause you move mountain

You move mountain

And everything is easy for you

'Cause you move mountain

Yes you move mountain

Mountains are moving [x4]

Strong holds are breaking [x4]

'Cause you move mountain

You cause walls to fall

With your power [x4]

You perform miracles [x4]

I was crying hot, silent tears by "standing here not knowing how we'll get through this test". When it got to "when it looks as if we can't win, you wrap us in your arm and step in", I was just pinching one hand with my other as hard as I could and crying. I knew, as plainly as I know my own name, that we have an answer. He will make a way. Because you see, our backs ARE against the wall and to my human eyes, at least this weekend, it looked like it was over. 

But then He gave me even more than just that reassurance... 

The second verse about looking back at where we've come from-- God took me back to a Sunday in either September or October when we did that very song in praise and worship... I think we may have even had a guest worship leader or visiting group... and I stood there and bawled my eyes out. But I wasn't crying because it seemed impossible, I was crying that Sunday because I was glowing with the miracle, with the fulfillment of a Promise I had waited for for so, so long. I remember that Sunday, feeling so grateful I could barely contain myself, just thinking about the mountains God had moved for our family to even be pursuing adoption, much less the adoption of THREE. {If you don't know our back story, it is linked here.} Today, as plainly as I have ever heard anything, God whispered into my Spirit and said, "I've already done the hard work. A government paper or two is nothing for Me. Working on a human heart that has free will was the true miracle. The next steps are the easy ones." A peace settled into my bones, not an uneasy peace, but a SETTLED peace. 

But He wasn't finished with me yet.

The song continued on through the bridge and went back to the refrain of "and we're standing here, only because you made a way" and God showed me the next time we sing this song in church (or, depending on how much Josh likes it, the next next next next time)... I'm going to get to sing that song with entirely new meaning and faith. I'm going to get to stand in a row with my family of seven, beside my beautiful, gentle new daughter, my gorgeous son with the mischievous eyes, and my handsome warrior son whose testimony is going to move mountains and cause walls to fall on its own one day... and I'm going to remember the paths that brought all of us to that day. I'm going to know that God works best in tight spaces, that He moves biggest in impossible situations, that He made a way. That He carved a path STRAIGHT THROUGH THE OCEAN. Wow. Look at my God. 

{I did buy and download the song today because I am still very human and I know that if we don't get news of progress tonight, it won't take long for these moments of today to fade in my memory. But God knows that about me too, and that's why He reminds me over and over again of all the times He HAS made a way. And He will again.}

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=MaQyJxbOfTI