2019: Known Or.... NOT.

My New Year's reflection this year is, as many of them tend to be, a reflection on contradictions. Maybe that's just what adult life is... contradictions.

My word for 2019 was "Known". I started the year with hopes of knowing Jesus more and feeling more known by Him, of knowing my family and my people and being known by them, of knowing ME better and feeling known, of knowing my calling and must students better and being known by them, and of knowing my social circles better and being known by them.

There were points this year in which I decided that, not only was my One Little Word an ABYSMAL failure, but I had actually never had a year I which I knew less or was known any less. Then I started to break down the different areas of knowing and being known and I realized that it wasn't a failure, it just wasn't a complete success.

I read something last night by Rebekah Lyons about being careful who you allow to have the microphone in your life. That is such a powerful thought; but for me, I'm the one who sometimes should have the microphone. I have such an overwhelming tendency to magnify my losses and my failures and minimize my gains and my successes. And that's not the way of my Father.

2019 was a year of transitions for our family. I said on instagram today that, for Kraig and I, it was absolutely the most parenting transition year other than 2003, 2005, and 2017, all of which were years we added actual new humans to our lives. One child graduated high school and started college and work, another child moved into the upperclassman years, and two transitioned from middle school to high school. Three kids gained some independence, as we got three driver's licenses in 2019. We saw our roles as parents start to shift as our kids moved into new phases of life and it was... weird.

This year we watched God do a most amazing thing for us. Just before the end of 2018, we felt like he was calling for six of us (instead of the original 3 we had planned) to go to Cambodia this past summer. But to do that, we had to raise $10,800. Although we have seen God raise miraculous amounts of money before, there were moments in this process that we weren't sure it was going to happen. However, in most amazing of ways, He did it. I still need to write a whole post about that, and I eventually will. For every moment of that trip, it was confirmed over and over again that He wanted us all six in Cambodia at that time. I will forever cherish the memories of that amazing ten days with those beautiful people and the ways it has shaped my life and the life of my family forever.

In 2018, I had the first cancer scare of my life. I got word in November that all was well, and I settled in to enjoy peace until that dreaded "six month follow-up". That appointment took place in May 2019, and it was at that point that I entered the second cancer scare of my life. That one ended with a surgery and, thankfully, the words "all clear" when the results came in. I had not told the kids or anyone but Kraig and my mom anything about it in 2018 until we had the results of "benign", but in 2019 they knew that I would have a follow-up, so it was a stressful time for all of us.

It's no secret that I love watching my kids do things that they love and excel at, and watching a kid compete at the collegiate level in a sport was incredible. Francisco had such a fabulous cross country season with Cleveland State and it was awesome to watch. The others had great swim seasons (Kelsey), tennis seasons (Roman and Emma), cross country seasons (Kelsey, Roman, and Angela), and JROTC Raiders Competition season (Angela). Emma also did Model UN again and all of the kids found clubs they enjoyed. Francisco had an awesome end to high school with scholarships and a class award. Everyone had a great end of the school year in May as far as grades and awards and so far, we have enjoyed a great current school year academically.

It's also been an exceptional year of spiritual growth for all seven of us. I have watched my kids lean into their callings and seen their gifts from Him start to crystallize and shine. Seeing them in Cambodia as they ministered to the kids there, watching them work in kids' church, seeing the connections Emma is making with kids she baby-sits, hearing Francisco practice his sermon for the college ministry has been a joy of 2019.

Professionally, I have had a really great 2019. The last school year ended strong in regard to my students, although there were some significant disappointments and what felt very much like betrayals in other aspects, but the Lord has taught me that sometimes the way to cope is to forget. And so that is what I have done. This school year has been a great blessing so far. I gave up a leadership position and that ended up being a very wise choice for me. My students this past semester was really wonderful, even with an odd group and a challenging group.

Our business had a great year and functioned exactly as it was meant when we created it. We used For Such a Time Creations to raise funds for our mission trip to Cambodia and it did so very successfully.

I guess, coming out of 2019, it's been a year of major growth. I said at the beginning of this post that I had failed terribly at my word, "Known", and yet I think I probably learned more about myself in 2019 than anything else. I continue on a journey of self-learning, self-knowing, as I learn more about and know HIM who created me.