Yet.

My feelin’ 22 post is coming on the 2nd day of 2022, which is fine. 

The last day of 2021 summed up that year perfectly. We got an early start on a hike to a beautiful overlook in New River Gorge National Park. I was excited to see the river view and the bridge from Diamond Point on the Endless Wall Trail. We reached the first overlook to see only fog. I chuckled to myself, thinking that about sums it up. We got to Diamond Point and there were just thick white clouds of fog hovering just below us. No bridge. No river. No view. Again, about right.

This year felt like that to me. 

Yet. 

As we were exploring the point, one of my kids cried, “I see the river!” Sure enough, a tiny window in the fog had formed and we could see a glimpse of the river. 

A few minutes later, another kid cried, “There’s more of the river!” Now a whole section of fog had lifted. As we watched, the view into the gorge below slowly came into view. And it was gorgeous. 

But you know what made it even more gorgeous? The swaths of fog still hanging on. The sunlight hit those patches and reflected beautifully, they dressed the mountains in layers of white tulle. We appreciated the view so much more because it seemed at first that we wouldn’t be able to see it. 

My 2021 word was “Yet”. I pray every year for the Lord to give me a word. Some years, the word’s meaning is revealed when the word is. Other years, I have to wait for the answer to the word’s meaning. My 2020 word was “Redeem”. The Lord most certainly gave me that word and I thought I had an idea of what its meaning was and where it would play out. Weeks into 2020, I realized I was sadly mistaken. 3 months into 2020, the entire world could laugh at the joke of a word like “redeem” in a time of global falling apart. 2020 didn’t redeem anything. It broke what was whole. 

However, in the last quarter of the year, the Lord revealed very clearly and almost audibly what my word for that year meant. He told me that my word was not a reflection of the present, but a promise for the future, that He would redeem the things that were broken that year. I was elated, and I wrote this post Redeem at the end of 2020 as I looked forward with great anticipation at a year that would see the redemption.

A few days into 2021, the word for that year crystallized into my spirit. “Yet.” For 12 months, I have waited and wondered how “yet” was going to play out in my life. I thought of the “already- not yet” philosophy, the optimism of a “yet” lifestyle, and on and on. Nothing I tried on felt right.

The year started with a kid wrecking a car and was followed by more kid/car incidents. Some things I had hoped for desperately for my kids have fallen through. The things I hoped to see improve greatly for my kids socially as they came out of a pandemic did not happen. Events were still canceled. Other events have still been affected and are even now in question. 

The vaccines brought hope, and I am still so grateful for them, but they didn’t end the pandemic. One year later, we are in a surge that we haven’t seen before. The safety I felt in my job last school year regarding the pandemic was all pulled away this year.

 In fact, the final five months of 2021 were, professionally, the toughest in 20 years. If I could find a way out, I would take it, and I hate to even say that aloud but it’s true. I love every minute of interaction with my students and I loved to PIECES every kid I taught this semester. My coworkers/friends are the high points of my day. But teaching has changed in every way possible and, as I watch colleague after colleague leave for something different, it pains me inside because I know that not only do I not have a choice but to continue, my usual “don’t desert, stay and work and bring about a change, a fix” belief is impossible in this current educational climate. 

2021 has come with health difficulties for my parents, with a hard diagnosis for Kraig. My Grandaddy still struggles physically and mentally. 

There have been personal disappointments, there have been family letdowns, there have been dying dreams. 

Yet. 

This year has brought a health journey for me that I never expected. April was my starting point for some lifestyle changes and, while weight loss wasn’t necessarily the goal, I’m down 24 lbs since April. On my birthday I started some additional lifestyle changes and I can see my energy level has increased since then and my body just feels stronger. I know that these things are working and I am not struggling to maintain them, and that means everything positive for my future. Kraig has done AMAZINGLY well with his new diet and exercise regimen to deal with his diabetes.

We have had so many big events and celebrations this year! Francisco is still living successfully alone and maintaining his job, even receiving a promotion this year. Emma graduated with honors as a Raider Scholar and was fortunate to be honored with one of the local scholarships, the Carrie Smith Lawson. She started school at UTC in August and is thriving. She loves her independence, her roommates, and has done well in her classes. We have learned to walk the tightrope of parenting and daughtering in college and I am grateful. The younger three have had incredibly successful endings to 10th and 11th grades and beginnings of 11th and 12th. They have had amazing sports seasons and their grades are INCREDIBLE. Kelsey and Roman are Raider Scholars and Angela continues to excel and be promoted in JROTC, in addition to adding honors classes. They have worked outreach with the church. Roman has two college acceptances under his belt and his hoping for the Lord to provide a way to go to Lee. This past year has been a pretty peaceful one in regard to parenting the four left under our roof and that’s been beautiful.

Travel! My favorite thing on earth has had such a great year. Emma and I went to Austin, TX, in May to see one of my favorite former students get married. We took a Silver women and kids beach trip in May as a graduation trip for the three senior cousins and it was a BLAST! Time with family can’t be topped. Royal Family happened again and this time we had three of our kids there with us, as we added Emma and Roman to the staff this year. Then we had Bear Paw and THEN… the 17 day trip out west with my parents that I have longed to do. It was absolute perfection, so much beautiful scenery and time together and animals and just the greatest experience. Kraig was even able to fly out and join us for the second half. We ended the year with our family fall break trip (minus France and Emma), which we shifted this year from the original plan so that Angela could visit the Air Force Academy. We did the 4 Colorado parks, 3 Utah parks we hadn’t done, some scenic drives, other beautiful stops, and ended with the tour of the USAFA and a football game there! We also got in several trips to WV (one for a gorgeous and sweet wedding!) and time with our Davis family.

As I look back on this year, to be honest, I see the fog first. When the majority of your waking hours are spent in a difficult situation at work, it tends to color your perspective. A really heartbreaking scenario with a wayward child sometimes fills up the your mind. A pandemic that freaking never ever ever seems like it’s going to end weighs heavily on you. The brokenness from 2020 that came with a promise of redemption that hasn’t happened…

Yet. 

It was about two weeks before the year ended and a friend of mine had posted in a group I’m in, asking people about their word for the year and how they select it. I commented, explaining that I pray for mine and sometimes the meaning is clear and other times it’s revealed later. I told her about “redeem”, and the promise, and the 2021 word of “yet” and that I still don’t have an answer on it so I’m waiting for it to be clarified before I pray for a 2022 word. 

Like a ton of bricks, AS I TYPED, it hit me. The 2021 word goes with my 2020 word. The promise of redemption from 2020 hasn’t been fulfilled… YET. That doesn’t mean it won’t. It just means it’s still in the future. 2021 was HARD… YET…. His promise still stands. 

The fog lifts. The fog WILL LIFT. And even when the fog is there, even in the midst of the hard that I wrote about at the beginning of this blog, the beauty I wrote about in the last half was there too. And maybe the fog makes part of the beauty.