A Season of Hope

Last Sunday at church, we heard a pretty incredible sermon. My pastor talked about salvation and about the fact that we are never too broken to be redeemed, never too dirty to be worthy of Him. If I’m being honest, although it was a POWERFUL sermon, it wasn’t one that specifically felt like it was speaking to me directly at this point in my life the way some sermons feel. 

Then, just at the end, Lord spoke to that house and then my pastor said these words: “Heal us, help us, and fill us with hope.” 

And immediately after that, I got a clear sense of the season the Lord has brought me to.

From August to December, I was in a deep, dark place. I was angry and I was fearful and I was broken-hearted. Many of those factors through which I defined myself had been destroyed or aged out or been taken away. 

Here , in January, I wrote about the mending that He was showing me and providing, and while the post was about the parent-child relationships I knew of, more in me was being mended than relationships. He was healing ME.

In February, it became very clear that He was helping me. In order to come to a place where I could receive help, I had to first figure out where the wounds were for them to be healed. Once that was done, He sent the words of others and new perspectives to allow for the helping to come. I wrote about the help Here.

Sunday, at the end of church, I saw where I am now and hopefully where I am headed in 2022… to a place of hope. My 2022 word is “shivelight”, which I have translated into looking for the bright spots. That’s what hope is, it’s the bright spots. 

Angela hopes to get into the Air Force Academy and after being very optimistic for a while, I had come to a place in the last few months of, not just being doubtful that it would happen, but even feeling a lack of trust in the prayer I had prayed— that if it’s not meant to be, He will close the door in favor of opening those that need to be opened. Last week, she got her acceptance into the Summer Seminar at the US Naval Academy. This is huge on many levels but, as I told a close friend, it just gives me a new sense of HOPE that it IS a possibility for her big dreams to be fulfilled. 

I had prayed the same for Roman and college, that if he’s meant to be at one school the money will be provided and if he’s not, it won’t. It didn’t look like it was going to happen and so we had taken steps to prepare for the other school and suddenly this week, a letter came and the hope is back. 

I have renewed hope in the future of my job. I have renewed hope in a new side job. I have renewed hope in my children’s futures and in mine and Kraig’s upcoming years. 

He has moved me into a season of hope, and while I don’t know how long this season will be, I am grateful and hungry for it.

Stone Memorials

At the very end of service yesterday, the praise and worship team started to sing a song that I have not heard in YEARS but a song that I consider a stone memorial of sorts for me.

Back in February of 2017, it did not look like our adoption was going to happen because the paperwork did not look possible in the 4 week timeframe it had leading to the deadline. I stood in church the morning that I wrote this post and Travis Greene’s “Made a Way” was played. In that post, I detail how the Lord spoke directly to my soul (after having used that song only four months earlier) to reassure me that He was going to do it. And in that post from February 2017, I mention that one day in the future I will hear that song and the promise will be fulfilled. The way will have already been made and we will be living it.

Yesterday, during that ending of service, that song again became a promise and a fulfillment. We have had high hopes for each of our kids since they came here and there have been moments of grave doubt and moments of fear and moments of insane joy. This past week, we were in moments of insane joy as a huge dream of Angela’s is starting to look very possible and a hope we had actually kind of given up on for Roman suddenly became very possible. We WERE, literally, standing in that moment on March 6, 2022, holding onto an email and a college letter that happened only “because You made a way.” 

And yet in the midst of that, there is heartbreak and loss and grief for another. For that, we are…. 

“Standing here not knowing how we'll get through this test
But holding unto faith You know that
Nothing can catch You by surprise
You got this figured out and You're watching us now
But when it looks as if we can't win
You wrap us in Your arm and step in
And everything we need You supply
You got this in control
And now we know that

There is nothing that’s impossible.”

I had the family devotional last night, and I used Joshua 4 as my text. 

1 When all the nation had finished passing over the Jordan, the Lord said to Joshua, 3 and command them, saying, ‘Take twelve stones from here out of the midst of the Jordan, from the very place where the priests' feet stood firmly, and bring them over with you and lay them down in the place where you lodge tonight.’” 4 Then Joshua called the twelve men from the people of Israel, whom he had appointed, a man from each tribe. 5 And Joshua said to them, “Pass on before the ark of the Lord your God into the midst of the Jordan, and take up each of you a stone upon his shoulder, according to the number of the tribes of the people of Israel, 6 that this may be a sign among you. When your children ask in time to come, ‘What do those stones mean to you?’ 7 then you shall tell them that the waters of the Jordan were cut off before the ark of the covenant of the Lord. When it passed over the Jordan, the waters of the Jordan were cut off. So these stones shall be to the people of Israel a memorial forever.” 21 And he said to the people of Israel, “When your children ask their fathers in times to come, ‘What do these stones mean?’ 23 For the Lord your God dried up the waters of the Jordan for you until you passed over, as the Lord your God did to the Red Sea, which he dried up for us until we passed over, 24 so that all the peoples of the earth may know that the hand of the Lord is mighty, that you may fear the Lord your God forever.” - Joshua 4:1,3-7,21,23-24

I talked to them about those stone memorials. We all have those moments in life where God’s faithfulness was proven and we return to them, either through a song or a verse or a geographic location or a date in time where we are reminded, and we need to share that testimony with others. 

For me, that song will always be a stone memorial. And for me yesterday, it not only proved His faithfulness in where we have been, it gave me strength and faith in where we are going. I had no idea when I did that devotional last night with my family that today would bring about a new test, new fears and grief. But because my faith was strengthened last night and because I shared with them, I am better able to face today’s situation.

“He moves mountains. He causes walls to fall. With his power, He performs miracles. There is nothing that’s impossible. And we’re standing here only because He made a way.”