I can imagine their confusion-- maybe we misinterpreted what He said? maybe we missed it all along? -- their embarrassment-- we have to face the world and admit that He wasn't who we thought, who He preached --
their heaviness-- it wasn't supposed to be this way, to end this way--
their fear-- it's only a matter of time until they find us and we meet the same end as He--
and probably a little bit of their hope-- maybe, just maybe ... maybe somehow it can still be so.
I've had those Saturdays. Those are the days when, even though I have been so sure I was right in the middle of His plan, I just can't see Him. And by not seeing Him, I can't see myself. I just feel lost and aimless, hopeless and desperate, heavy.