These Somethings Good...

I'm chalking it up to an inability to say "no".

Here is my list of confessions for February/early-mid March:

I pretty much went to the gym or walked three times. Total. This is not three times PER WEEK, as I had planned, but three times FOR THE MONTH. I stink. Self-control is not my middle name.

Not only did I not stick to a good Bible study OR do well with my devotions with the girls, I actually was not even 100% on my own Jesus Calling every morning.

My house, my car, my desk, my classroom, my closet... all of these areas are complete disasters. I am ridiculously out of control right now in regard to order and purpose. And I can feel that chaos seeping into my mental state. And it feels terrible.

Be there? Value the people? HA. I found myself answering the girls last week with "I don't know", not because I actually didn't know the answer to whatever they were saying, but because I didn't take the time to even hear the question.

So yeah. I blew this one big-time.

I did have a turning point, though. It happened when I let my mind spin away with me Sunday morning. As I sat in the pew with my cheeks tingling and my lips numb, seconds away from an impending panic attack, I remembered something Kelsey said to me last week about going to camp at Signal Mountain last summer. She is looking forward to this summer and was rehashing details from last summer when she told me how dark it was in their cabin.

"I wasn't scared. I just thought about something good."

I think there is a lot of value in that statement. The fact that she felt a need to say that she wasn't scared illustrates that clearly there WAS fear or she wouldn't have felt a need to say it. But the fear, you see, isn't the point.

She wouldn't have been afraid at home in her room where it's comfortable and safe. She wouldn't have NEEDED to think about something good. But that fear was totally worthwhile to her in order to get the camp experience.  Fear sometimes comes from DOING.

I have taken on what is probably too much in this season from February to April, 2013. And I will be honest-- I am SCARED. I have no fear any bigger than the fear of failure. I was the kid who never ran for student government even though I would have LOVED it (and all of my friends did it) because I was TERRIFIED of not being elected. I don't do things unless I am sure I will succeed. And that is such a coward's way out. As I've gotten older, I've tried to push myself to do the things I feel led to do, even if that fear of failure is lurking alongside.

So what I am going to do, for the next month, is "think about something good".

I'm going to think about the work that our Run for Cover 5K money is going to do in Cambodia.

I'm going to think about families who get to live in sufficient homes, some possibly for the first time.

I'm going to think about children and the elderly receiving care in a fully equipped medical clinic.

I'm going to think about something we take for granted on a daily basis, clean water, being available to people halfway around the world.

I'm going to think about 18 year old CHS students who are going to see that education doesn't stop at the doors of Cleveland High, but that an elective class can be a starting point for a lifetime of service.

I'm going to think about those little faces pressed up against those bus windows as it comes down that dusty drive in Mentone, Alabama.

I'm going to think about an eight year old boy who gets a birthday present for the very first time.

I'm going to think about an eleven year old girl who gains an understanding of a Heavenly Father's unconditional love through a counselor who has given up a week of vacation to show her.

I'm going to think about a church family that supports a ministry to the orphans by giving, walking in a 5K, attending a movie, and becoming a prayer partner.

I'm going to think about the twelve kids who got to come to camp last year for a week, paid for entirely by the work that went into the RF5KC.

And I might still worry some, but that fear won't take over my mind the way it did on Sunday, because I will be too busy thinking about these somethings good. :)

Run for Cover online registration


RF5KC online registration


CAMP movie website and trailers

Showing at Premiere Friday, 3/22-Thursday, 3/28. Our local camp gets 40% of ticket proceeds from the Cleveland showing. Please go see it! I saw it two weeks ago and it just blew me away.