For Some a Burning Bush... I Got a Pipecleaner.

This is probably going to be Part 1 of about a 100 part blogginess, but I feel like I have to start writing tonight or I'm going to burst with all of it.

I've realized something. I'm devil-bait on Sunday mornings. Seriously. I have struggled with anxiety for as long as I can remember. It's one of those things that has sort of ebbed and flowed over my life... I'll go through seasons where it is almost unbearable and then I'll have a time when I do really well with it. I think that in the past 3-4 years, though, I've really started to learn how to cope. Part of that is due to a brief period of counseling I got (and kept TOP SECRET at the time, like it was some giant deal... that me would have croaked if she knew I was going to mention it on the world wide web one day!) and part seems to just be due to life and maturity. But for some reason, Sunday morning is when the devil works his way back into those parts of my mind. Maybe it's because that's the only time my mind is actually still?

I have had three major anxiety episodes since December, all on Sunday mornings. And this past Sunday, the strategy of attack was the trip I am planning to take in July to Cambodia. I'll go into more detail later about the complete working together of God's plan for me to be on this trip, but let's just say it cannot be denied in any way that I am meant to go. On Sunday as I sat in church, the doubts started to creep in....

"You don't even DO kids' ministry!" 

"You would probably DIE before
you'd do any sort of drama!"

 "You can't sing a BIT!"

 "You haven't done puppets since
you were in middle school."

 "You would be way better suited for a trip
to actually WORK on something or a
trip you could just photograph or write about..."

 "You need to go on a trip in which they are giving
things out or something more humanitarian... the last
kind of trip you would be effective on is one to do
 CHILDREN'S MINISTRY."

 "This was a terrible idea."

 "Lance probably doesn't want you to

go but feels bad telling you."

  and maybe the hardest to bear, "You can't go to 

Cambodia because you will starve to death and you 

love Coke too much." 

I did finally recognize the situation for what it was (an effort to prevent me from obeying the Lord and going), but the concerns remained for this entire week.

We had our first meeting tonight and I was really nervous. However, as we talked with the personnel from Cambodia and PCL about our time with the kids, one word came up more often than any others:

CRAFTS. 

And let me tell you, if there is ONE thing I CAN do for Jesus, it's lead people in crafting activities. ;)

The first mention of it was "pipecleaners". The whole thing almost made me giddy--

How like my God is it to use a piece of wire with fuzzies attached to it to ease my troubled mind and gently remind me that being His hands is the same, no matter where you are or what you are doing? He doesn't need me to be a children's ministry professional... He only needs me to be available. 

As they talked about the kids and how thrilled they will be just to have us there, that they will gather around the windows and watch once we reach capacity and they can no longer fit inside, that they love anything "from America"... I just felt excitement welling up inside me, alongside tears. 

I am overwhelmed with gratitude that God is allowing me this opportunity. Me and my pipecleaners.