Thou Forever Will Be

Music is never played in the hex where my classroom is. However, after a particularly challenging morning full of lots of doubts and insecurities and ill feelings, as I was sitting at my desk, steeped in despair, I heard the strains of "Great is Thy Faithfulness". I've always thought of that song as a praise in the sense of a song you sing when things are going well and looking up. 

Morning by morning new mercies I see! All I have needed Thy hand hath provided! Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow! Blessings all mine with ten thousand beside! Up, up, up, all happy and cheery! 

Today, though, it hit me differently. This year, everything in my life has felt different. I am different this year. And I feel broken and let down and punished and heartsick and guilty for feeling all of the above. I am questioning everything I have always known. At some point, everything that has always made sense.... well, stopped.

 But the God of the previous 14 years of my career is the same God of this last day of the 15th. The God of my childhood and my children's childhoods with grandparents who are strong and whole and present is the same God of the last days of them living at home. The God of my optimism and pep and certainty in parenting and my children's future is the same God of this past week of insecurity and fear. The God of seeking company and social events is the same God of a desire for solitude. The God of the huge successes is the same God of failure and defeat. 

There is no shadow of turning with Thee. Thou changest not, Thy compassions they fail not. As Thou hast been, Thou forever will be.

I don't think the moments of that song floating over my weary, broken soul were accidental. And I don't think the fact that it was THAT song, the one I already have such an emotional connection to from this past summer in Israel was accidental either. He is faithful. No matter the circumstances, He is faithful. And I am so thankful that He forever will be.