I've waited a day to try and find all the words for our night on Friday night (and really all of the month leading up to it). What I have realized is that I don't have the right words, so I just need to go ahead and go with what I have.
We left Blythe-Bower on Friday night and I was kind of a wreck. The way I deal with the completion of major events is that I emotionally crash for a while. (After the very first Royal Family 5K, I came home and sat at the kitchen table. I ate three Little Debbies, drank a Coke, and cried hysterically for an hour. Then I went to bed and slept like I was in a coma for three hours. Then I woke up recovered and elated over the success and moved on with life!) Friday night, I probably had six crying jags for various reasons, most of which are absurd. I cried that some people's numbers weren't ever called, I cried that some people may have felt sad that their donation didn't bring a roomful of bids, I cried that I didn't take many pictures, I cried that my mom had worked so hard, I cried that maybe I didn't do justice to the amazing participation from so many, and in a dazzling display of maturity and ration, I cried while we were ordering at O'Charley's (we didn't get to eat or drink a bite from lunch until 10:30 that night) and Kraig said something about the hot dog grilling and I said, "You mean it was GRILLED hotdogs and chili and missed it??? I like that meal more than ANYTHING!" {cue hot tears} The most legitimate reason I cried, and a reason I had considered not sharing but I have vowed to myself to be open about all sides of this process, not just the happy ones, in an effort to live this out the way I try to live everything out-- transparently, hoping to encourage others on the same road that they aren't alone-- is that I didn't get to tell the girls bye when they left for the weekend. And I know that Friday ended a week in which I had been stressed, distracted, and probably snappy with them. And honestly, the tears were probably more for the deep fears I have that Emma and Kelsey might be feeling left out, or replaced, or like they aren't enough. I have no reason from them to think any of that, but I will be honest and say it's a struggle in my own mind that I have to give to God every day. I never want them to look back and feel that our love was divided. I want them to know that it was multiplied.
After all the crying Friday night, I awoke Saturday morning around 5 with my mind spinning over all the things I should have done differently and regrets I had. From 5 until around 7:30, the devil really had his way with me. I worried that I had limited God by praying for the room not to be too full, I imagined, "If this group hadn't shown up, that's a gaping hole!" "If this group hadn't come, we would have missed out on so many bids!" I am also wholly human, and I let the devil taunt me a little bit with hurt over some absences. In that place, though, as the first rain in Cleveland in 29 days fell, the Lord gave me what I truly think may be my first vision I have ever had. He showed me a dam with holes and water spilling through them. As I watched, each hole was filled. If another hole opened, it was filled. He spoke to me so clearly and told me that He will always fill the holes. I don't have to think about the what ifs and the could haves and the should haves and the weren't there's. He will provide in whatever way is needed. And the thing is, HE HAS. I just keep falling back into this default setting of mine that is composed of guilt and regret and worry. I don't know what it will take for me to finally wholly become the person He is so gently shaping me to be, but I imagine His patience is starting to wear thin. :)
By mid-day Saturday, and after talking to some of my crowd who keep me anchored, I had moved on to elation and excitement over the whole thing. We had OVER 250 items given to us.... GIVEN.... NO STRINGS ATTACHED... to auction off on Friday night. People I only interact with over social media and then only rarely contacted me to offer donations. People I have never even met who heard about the auction from friends gave items. We had so many valuable silent auction items donated by such dear people. Former and current students showed up in DROVES to donate the works of their hands. Colleagues, church family, family friends, my mom's people, friends, acquaintances, For Such a Time customers, high school classmates, family members, on and on and on.... all bringing gifts of their heart to welcome these children of ours. There are no words for the outpouring of goodness I have witnessed flow into my house, onto my kitchen table, and out the door to that auction Friday night. The only words I have are that you gave and your gifts are a reflection of my Father.
The work on this event was overwhelming. The work on this event would have been impossible for just me and Kraig. But instead of just the two of us, we had an army. My mom canvassed grocery stores for paper product sales for weeks. She probably made 8 trips to Cooke's the day the cokes were 79 cents (limit of 8...). She drove around and picked up items. She made things. She advertised. She helped me plan. She fielded a hundred phone calls from me asking her opinion. She cooked. She and my dad brought in a massive load of silent auction items, set them up, and carried them home. She has worked TIRELESSLY and I couldn't be more blessed to have her. My sweet friend Lea Broussard, newly retired, took days driving around town, asking for donations from stores and restaurants. Our great friend Nathan stepped up immediately when Kraig said to him, "The only way I can do good is if you'll help me," and he worked his hands to the bone Friday. So many people, including the mother of Emma's friend, Katie, who just happened to be dropping her daughter off for fall retreat and instead stayed and put out tablecloths and money jars, helped set up in the quick hour we had before it started. Joel Barnes was a most gracious host, not only renting the facility to us but working to help set up and clean up. My sister, Tina, and Melissa were the absolute best possible people for me to ask to deal with the money and entry, even giving me the money back at the end sorted and packaged. Jay Garcia, whom I had told I couldn't and wouldn't do this event without, was the absolute perfect emcee and he always goes along with whatever scheme I have going that needs a voice and a personality. Kim Davison worked like crazy and helped before and after. An ARMY of church friends stayed after to help clean up afterward, somehow allowing us to get out only 15 minutes after my estimated finishing time. My student volunteers from CHS (and Lizzie and Raylee and Tate) were essential to the process and they did it all with such a sweet and enthusiastic spirit! I'm probably forgetting someone (ooh! Jessica Garcia who fielded so many donations for me and Julie who gave me a million great ideas!), but those who provided the physical work of this thing were invaluable to me.
Finally, all of our shoppers and buyers and bidders and participants.... they made the whole thing happen. They were patient when we had to draw 27 numbers before we got a winner, they were fun to watch, they were generous with their bidding, they were and have been enthusiastic and supportive in all of their comments since. From church family (and our sweet pastor who started us off with a prayer) to friends to colleagues of mine and Kraig's to family members to those who heard about it and came to FBC peeps and people who just love the orphanage to our Mayfield table and our Stuart table and our CMS table.... the people in our lives, all four (7!) of us, love us so well and we are so incredibly blessed by them.
So.... we can't be certain until we make a trip tomorrow to a change counter but we are pretty certain our grand total is somewhere around $5,000. AMAZING. And the MOST amazing part is that's a true $5000, just for bids and silent auction and paddle donations. We think there were close to 200 people there and, although I have also cried some tears over the people I didn't get to speak to (and have worried that people didn't feel appreciate enough for coming), we are so stinking thankful for every human being who walked through those doors. It was such a beautiful night, a night I have very few pictures of to even show the kids later, but a night I will never, ever forget... a night in which God reached down again and used His children (you) to enable His children (us) to reach His children (our kids). What a portrait of His love.
So thank you, thank you, thank you to each person who played a part in this one. We are forever grateful to you. Big giant hugs and lots of love!
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