Dear Kelsey,
Kelsey, you amaze me. I knowI told you the other day in the car, but I am absolutely dazzled by the waythat you live your life. (Sometimes you exhaust me, too, with your never-endingstories and your constant running dialogue/monologue, but that’s beside thepoint… ;) )
I have never met anotherperson who was as universally beloved as you are. Every single teacher, everysingle friend, every single family member, every single person who has comeacross you in their life has told me how much they adore you. I remember whenyou were in second grade and you came bursting into my bathroom every morning,flinging the door open and shouting, “It’s going to be a GREAT DAY!!!”(Sometimes I really miss that greeting and reminder every morning.) You are ahighly emotional person, but somehow that emotion plays out in a way that justdraws people to you. I watched you at that first swim meet this year, nervous andshaky and tearful and upset, and I watched as person after person came up toyou to encourage you. And they weren’t doing it out of pity, either, they weredoing it because they genuinely care for you and want you to feel better. Youare a magnet, my child, and the world can’t help but be pulled in yourdirection.
I know you think I don’tnotice or don’t take it seriously, but I see the way that you feel second-bestto Emma sometimes. I know that school is hard for you but I also know that youwork so hard and you take it so seriously. I was beyond proud of you in 5thgrade when you worked to keep those grades up to stay in Beta Club. You setgoals for yourself and you plug away until you accomplish them and THAT, mygirl, is GRIT. You and Emma are two very different people and I wish so muchthat you wouldn’t compare yourself to her. And by “two different people”, Idon’t mean one is better than the other. I mean you are DIFFERENT in so many ways!There is a line I teach in Hamlet that says, “To thine own self be true” andwhat it means is that you have to figure out who you are and then become thebest version of that you. (Sometimes I wish I had learned that at a muchyounger age. In all honesty, I don’t think I fully understood myself until thepast three years or so and 37 and 38 are hard ages to finally figure it allout.)
You care so much, and sodeeply, for others. The number of times you have been upset on behalf ofanother person or the times you have stood up for your friends or defended yourfamily just makes me beam with pride. And competition just simply isn’t part ofyour DNA. I remember last year, on the last day of school, something happenedthat had the potential at first to break my heart, then it ended up thrillingit. We were about to leave Mrs. Strother’s class and a little boy came up toyou with his report card. He said, so excitedly, “Kelsey!!! I made straightA’s!” I’ll be honest with you… I cringed. I knew that you hadn’t made straightA’s, as hard as you had worked, and I didn’t want you to be in a situation foreven one second where you felt like you were less than anyone else. That’s whatwe moms do, we ache for our kids any time we think you are hurt. Boy was Iwrong. You turned and, without a single speck of regret or jealousy or sadness,high-fived him and said, “Way to go!!!” He, apparently a naïve little boy, saidto you, “I accomplished my goal!” As what I would have defined as salt wasrubbed in a little deeper, I smiled a little tersely at him and turned to go,hoping to get you away from painful scenario, you graciously and delightedlysaid again, “WOW! That’s really awesome!” This child then turned to you andsaid, “Did you make straight A’s?” {Cue me crying in the corner OR stuffing asock in his little mouth, haha} You just smiled again and said, “No, but I’m soglad you did!” Here’s the thing, Kelsey. I could have, at your age, respondedwith the same words you did. I could, at MY age, responded with the same wordsyou did. But I could not, then perhaps OR NOW, have responded with the sameheart. I am happy for people when they succeed but there is also always alittle part of me that feels sad for their success when I don’t have some of myown. You are not that person. When we turned to walk away, I looked at youclosely, wondering if there was going to be a hint of jealousy or sadness,waited for you to say, “Well that’s great for him but I wish I had!” or even“Must be nice!” Not. One. Word. You turned right around, smiled at me, andsaid, “Let’s go tell the others goodbye!” (And I think that’s when we bothembarrassed ourselves by crying our way out of Mayfield Elementary for the lasttime because, let’s face it, in SOME ways, like crying at embarrassing times fornostalgic reasons, you ARE my daughter. ;) )
This year, middle school….Good heavens. You have OWNED it. You tried out for Student Council completelyof your own accord and were so happy with a second place finish. You decided togo out for cross country and swim, two brand new sports to you. You pushedyourself so hard in cross country season and again, did so well but also wereso happy for your friends who went to State. You are doing Beta Club. Volleyball, from the time you were tiny, has your heart and it was another chance for you to prove your determination and character. You worked hard, you supported teammates, and you waited your turn for time on the floor. You adore FCA and Bible study in the mornings. Youhave made friends of students and teachers. J Our family is about to change in some pretty drastic ways and youhave not only enthusiastically embraced it, you have become the kind of personI DON’T feel like I need to worry about making the adjustment.
Probably my favorite day of your sixth grade year happened first semester. I picked you up and you were just glowing. You told me it had been the best day and then you told me about something that happened in one of your classes. As an activity connected to a story, your class was asked to think of a person without whom their time at CMS wouldn't be the same, someone who encourages them. The teacher asked a few people to read, and as soon as one person started reading, you said the class was pointing at you, saying, "It's about Kelsey!" Throughout the course of the day, you told me that multiple other friends and classmates told you that they had written about you. But then you said, "But Mom, one probably was more special than all the rest. There's a kid in one of my classes who ... struggles a little. I think he doesn't have a lot of support. And he wrote about me and said that I keep him on task and help him focus. That was so neat." After I choked back the tears (and laughed to myself because his description of "keeping him on task" means "bossing him"), I told you that you have accomplished exactly what should be our goal in life. Emerson said, "To know that even one person has breathed easier because you have lived... that is to have succeeded." It sounds an awful lot like "Love God, love others." And like "That's how they will know you are my disciples, by your love one for another."
I guess what I want to say toyou, Kelsey, and what I want you to understand, is that in no way are you asecond-rate version of anyone else or a JV person or a back-up. You are someonethat others want to be around, someone others strive to be like, and someonewho challenges me daily to be a better me. You are made in the Image of aFather Who loves you and you represent Him to everyone you come across. I am sothankful that you came shrieking into our world on that mid-day in March of2005 and I have loved every single day with you since. You are the person Hehas made you to be and that person is someone who makes me GLOW with pride.
Love,
Mom
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