Yet

yet

/yet/

adverb

1. 1. 

   up until the present or a specified or implied time; by now or then.

   "I haven't told anyone else yet"

   
   

   
   

   
   

   
   
   
2. 2. 

   still; even (used to emphasize increase or repetition).

   "snow, snow, and yet more snow"

   
   

   
   

   
   

   
   

conjunction

    but at the same time; but nevertheless.

    "the path was dark, yet I slowly found my way"

What a strange, weird choice for a One Little Word for a new year. In fact, what a strange word PERIOD. Grammatically, it means contradictory things. It means both "hasn't happened" and "is still happening". It emphasizes and also contradicts. Maybe in your 44th year of life, your 20th year in your career, your 18th year of parenting, your 21st year of marriage, your first year in a pandemic ;) , your 16th year in your house... maybe that's just a period of life that is best explained by "hasn't happened" and "is still happening", emphasized and juxtaposed. I don't know, but I know that out of all of the adorable and inspiring choices that made my short list (roots, bloom, adventure, less, intentional, mindful, etc), this is the one I kept coming back to. 

Yet.

In trying to figure out what I wanted to get out of my word this year, I did some research. One thing that struck me about the word "yet" is that, especially when used in Scripture, it connects something painful with something positive. Though this painful thing happened, yet this positive truth exists. In keeping with my 2020 word, redeem, and what God promised in regard to it, yet actually makes really good sense. Though 2020 was an incredibly challenging and sometimes painful year, yet 2021 will bring hope and redemption. I like that.

I also read several things from the educational thought field about the power of yet. 

"I can't understand this text....yet."

"I can't conquer that skill....yet."

"I don't understand this...yet."

"I'm not good at that... yet."

It's a pretty powerful concept and shift in thinking. 

And maybe for me, it's ...

*I'm not seeing the fruits of my labor... yet.*

*I don't know how to go about achieving my dreams...yet.*

*I don't know what the future holds...yet.*

*Our business isn't where I want it to be... yet.*

I tentatively picked this word in the last couple of days of 2020, but I couldn't seem to commit to it. I kept thinking about it, trying on other words for size. I think the reason it freaked me out a bit (and still does) is that I'm not much one for the unknown. I liked the idea of picking the word "roots" for 2021.

Yet... it holds so much uncertainty. Promise, yes, hope, yes, but uncertainty as well. I took these photos on MLK weekend, 18 days into the new year, but still couldn't write this post or commit to the word in my heart. Then a couple of days ago, within 10 minutes, I saw an instagram post and read in a book of essays I was reading about the word Yet. And there it was. The confirmation I needed.

So here we are! 2021, the year of 

Yet.

3

 5:51 PM.

Sunday, January 24, 2021.

This day, whereas most Sundays seem to fly by, has sluggishly creeped by, molasses slowly rolling down whatever molasses rolls down. ;) 

And honestly, I don't have a whole lot to say. There are a few blog posts I have been needing to write, but couldn't find the umph to do it, so I haven't. 

This one basically serves to break the ice for me. See, I'm an Enneagram 3. And I can tell myself over and over and over that I write for me, not for anyone else, that blog hits are not a measure of success and that my goal is merely to express myself, not to be "read" by others.... but it's all lies to myself. The last post I wrote was a really, really long one. And it was a pretty personal, vulnerable post. And it got very few hits, very little feedback. And it's something that I've let get in my head. 

The same thing is kind of happening with my shirt business. I don't know if it's facebook/instagram algorithms or what, but it seems like interactions have decreased greatly in the past year and it worries me. 

As much as I don't want to, as much as I hate to admit it to myself and to anyone else, I absolutely struggle with measuring my worth based on "success" and I measure "success" based on other people.

I stopped typing this blog to hop back over on my instagram and facebook and check to see if anyone replied to my posts about our new line of shirts coming out. They ... had not. And so the gut punch hits a little harder. 

But while I was on fb, I saw a post about our pastor's incredible sermon this morning and I can't even believe it took me this long to see the correlation. 

Our pastor preached about the Darts of Discouragement and Despair that the enemy has always used, but that he is using in overtime during our current situation. He preached about the fact that when we cave to these twin darts, we miss the Destiny He has for us. The other trademark of an Enneagram 3, at least this one, is feeling paralyzed by what we view as failure. So if I don't think I can succeed, I'll quit. Or I won't start. And I've had thoughts over this past year of just throwing in the towel on a few dreams of mine... writing a book and this side business of creating. But I haven't had those thoughts because those things aren't my dream anymore, or because I don't care about them, or because my interests have changed. I have had those thoughts because I have let those darts of discouragement and despair divert me from my destiny. I've let them shape my views and my path forward. 

This needs to change, and it needs to change today. If my dreams weren't meant to be my dreams, God wouldn't have placed them in my heart or He would remove them now. So at 7 PM, in 52 minutes, if not a single person has commented on that instagram post, I will still hold my head up and announce this new shirt line as if I were sharing it with a stadium full of people. 

And then I'll step back and reevaluate and let my 3-ness show its positive traits by reassessing my marketing and current business model and see what needs to change to see more interaction in the future. Those darts aren't getting saved in my quiver. They're going to have to find somewhere else to land.