3

 5:51 PM.

Sunday, January 24, 2021.

This day, whereas most Sundays seem to fly by, has sluggishly creeped by, molasses slowly rolling down whatever molasses rolls down. ;) 

And honestly, I don't have a whole lot to say. There are a few blog posts I have been needing to write, but couldn't find the umph to do it, so I haven't. 

This one basically serves to break the ice for me. See, I'm an Enneagram 3. And I can tell myself over and over and over that I write for me, not for anyone else, that blog hits are not a measure of success and that my goal is merely to express myself, not to be "read" by others.... but it's all lies to myself. The last post I wrote was a really, really long one. And it was a pretty personal, vulnerable post. And it got very few hits, very little feedback. And it's something that I've let get in my head. 

The same thing is kind of happening with my shirt business. I don't know if it's facebook/instagram algorithms or what, but it seems like interactions have decreased greatly in the past year and it worries me. 

As much as I don't want to, as much as I hate to admit it to myself and to anyone else, I absolutely struggle with measuring my worth based on "success" and I measure "success" based on other people.

I stopped typing this blog to hop back over on my instagram and facebook and check to see if anyone replied to my posts about our new line of shirts coming out. They ... had not. And so the gut punch hits a little harder. 

But while I was on fb, I saw a post about our pastor's incredible sermon this morning and I can't even believe it took me this long to see the correlation. 

Our pastor preached about the Darts of Discouragement and Despair that the enemy has always used, but that he is using in overtime during our current situation. He preached about the fact that when we cave to these twin darts, we miss the Destiny He has for us. The other trademark of an Enneagram 3, at least this one, is feeling paralyzed by what we view as failure. So if I don't think I can succeed, I'll quit. Or I won't start. And I've had thoughts over this past year of just throwing in the towel on a few dreams of mine... writing a book and this side business of creating. But I haven't had those thoughts because those things aren't my dream anymore, or because I don't care about them, or because my interests have changed. I have had those thoughts because I have let those darts of discouragement and despair divert me from my destiny. I've let them shape my views and my path forward. 

This needs to change, and it needs to change today. If my dreams weren't meant to be my dreams, God wouldn't have placed them in my heart or He would remove them now. So at 7 PM, in 52 minutes, if not a single person has commented on that instagram post, I will still hold my head up and announce this new shirt line as if I were sharing it with a stadium full of people. 

And then I'll step back and reevaluate and let my 3-ness show its positive traits by reassessing my marketing and current business model and see what needs to change to see more interaction in the future. Those darts aren't getting saved in my quiver. They're going to have to find somewhere else to land.