In Case You Have Ever Wondered (as I Have)...

I had no way of knowing last week when I wrote the "Walk Beside Them" post that, in only two days, we would be the people needing loved ones to walk beside us. See, that's the thing about life... it can change in seconds. And even though we always say that and profess an understanding of that fact, I don't think we ever really believe it can happen to us... until it does.

A brief backstory before I get to the point of this post....

On Tuesday of this past week, I got a phone call just after the bell from Mom. I knew from the moment she started talking that something was very wrong. Grandaddy had run to the grocery store and come home to find Grandmother on the floor of the kitchen. Mom was telling me she was headed there, to pray, and that she had him call 911. I ran out of my room, called Kraig to get the girls and Melissa to tell her, and headed for Grandmother's, praying the entire time. My prayer, as frantic prayers often are, was a one-focus plea: "Not yet. Just please don't let this happen right now. Just give us more time with her. Please." I met the ambulance going down her road and ran in behind the paramedics. Natalie arrived soon after me and they told us they suspected a stroke and were going to take her to be airlifted to Erlanger. I drove Grandaddy and Mom and Natalie down and the rest of the family came a few at a time, along with our pastor and another church staff member/friend.

The first word was that it was a massive stroke and the TPA (or something) treatment didn't work, so they had to take her to surgery to get the clot. They said her chances were 50/50 on surviving the surgery but if she did, they were hopeful that the effects were reversible. We prayed there in the ER and went to the tiny waiting room upstairs, about 23 of us. A little over an hour later, after some friends had arrived, the doctor came in to say that she survived the surgery, they got the clot, and the next 24 hours were critical. We did get in to see her that night and it appeared very grim. Late that night, after we all went home and left Mom and Grandaddy up there, they were called up to discuss her final wishes because she had bleeding on her brain.

Once we got that word on Wednesday, we got subs and all of us grandchildren went down, planning to say goodbye. What we found instead was Grandmother alert, seeming to recognize us, moving, and trying to talk some. It was a wonderful step forward and the start of hope for us. Since Wednesday, it has been continual improvement with a few days of delay and discouragement when they would have her on a medicine that made her sleep. The hope is that tomorrow they can move her to a room and that the effects from the stroke are minimal. She certainly knows us all and has some intelligible words and even still responds with the same mannerisms and voice cadences that she always has. She has laughed and smiled frequently. She doesn't seem to be discouraged, only a little frustrated with her inability to talk at times.

I'll write later about all of the specific blessings of the Lord in this. But today, I just want to say some thank you's.

I feel like I write a lot on here about what a tremendous blessing the people in my life are to me, but I have never felt it more acutely than I did this week. From the very first moment of texting friends and calling family members, we have been surrounded by such love and care and concern. It has certainly made me rethink my own response to the crises of others.

So, in case you have ever wondered (as I have) if it matters at all to people when they post a facebook need for prayer and you reply with "Praying!".... It does. 

Every single comment (of the HUNDREDS that have been left) comforted my heart. Hearing from friends near and far, people we haven't seen or really talked to in years, hearing what she meant to people has been amazing. Every single comment, even just the lone word "praying", made us feel less alone.

In case you have ever wondered (as I have) if sending a text a couple of times a day (or more) just asking for updates makes people feel any better... It does.

Every person who has texted, some who are close friends of mine and some whom I don't even talk to as often, have each soothed my heart.

In case you have ever wondered (as I have) if offering to come sit in a waiting room, pick kids up from school, bring meals, any sort of offer of help, even if they never take you up on it, provides people with a level of security...It does.

I have always known I had wonderful friends and family. I knew there were people in my life who would do anything for me. I just never knew there were so many. I haven't taken anyone up on the offers (haven't needed to) but that does not mean they weren't so appreciated. Knowing that if I needed to run down to the hospital that I could leave the girls with friends or there were Mayfield teachers who offered to take them places after school took one additional concern off my plate. I have had people check in on me with whom I have never shared a meal or hung out with a single time, but they know me and care.

In case you have ever wondered (as I have) if it matters to people when you just offer them a distraction, a chance to talk about other things and everyday life...It does.

Each night, after I have left family and have been alone in my car headed home, I have been so afraid that if I start letting myself think and cry, I will cry forever. It has been so special to have a friend I could call and be distracted from everything and just reminded that life goes on. My coworkers have been absolutely amazing at both offering all levels of help and support and just giving me room to cope as I have needed. The number of teenagers (yes, those people who are stereotyped as being egotistical and selfish and unfeeling) in my classes who asked about her, former students who sent texts and tweets of support has encouraged me and validated the views I already had of them.

In case you have ever wondered (as I have) if children get any benefit from the concern shown by others...They do.

I got the sweetest reply emails to the messages I sent Emma and Kelsey's teachers. And I overheard the girls the other night talking to each other about all of the people who told them they were sorry and were praying for Grandmother. They were commenting to each other how much better it made them feel when their friends, teachers, and people at church talked to them about it.

In case you have ever wondered how important a solid family foundation and a beautiful church family can be... It is.

At any given moment, someone has been down here with Grandaddy. The cousins have carpooled back and forth and taken turns sleeping down here. Every visitation has found numerous family members present. And if things had turned out differently, every one of us was together the night of the surgery and would have been there for each other. We have had pastoral staff visit at least once a day and numerous church friends and family friends visiting with us or offering prayer and physical help. I have said it so many times in my life and it was reiterated throughout this, I do not know how people without a church family are able to survive.

In case you have ever wondered (as I have) if prayer can be felt by people and if it makes a real difference...It does.

There were people across this nation and even in other countries who were lifting our family and my grandmother up in prayer. People praying for peace and comfort for us and for His best will in regard to her. I posted on facebook that Kelsey prayed before bed the other night "We pray that you would make Grandmother all better, either by fixing her here or taking her to heaven and we will still be happy no matter which one You do." That has been our prayer all along and I know it has been the prayer of those who agreed with us. Grandaddy shared with me last night that the first night, after they had been called up to sign some things and get grim news, he laid awake and prayed for so long, just confused about what had happened and how fast. He said on up in the morning, just before dawn, he felt as plainly as could be the Lord say, "I have more for her to do." With that, he was filled with peace and slept restfully till morning. He has been so calm throughout this whole ordeal and I know it's the peace of the Lord filling Him.

I probably won't even talk to all of the people who have in some way lightened this load. But I think I can thank them by paying it forward. I'm sure I'll write more about that later, but it has really opened my eyes to a world I did not even know about before now.

But thank you, to everyone who has offered anything. And just know, in case you have ever wondered (as I have) if you can make a huge difference in the life of another person...You can. And have.