The Elf-Life's Not for Me.

Maybe it's just a Scroogy year for me, but these elves are killing me. In the past, I have loved the little tableaus every night and getting to watch the magic in the morning. Now ours hasn't always been messy or mean or even mischievous... sometimes he's are smart and creative and he is almost always funny. I mean, until this year.

This year, they kind of stink. Those jokers have moved to different places around our bedroom, one night they did get some candy out, they have hung from nearly every light fixture in the downstairs, they have reclined under the tree and looked at the lights, they sat on the ladder, and they ate some cotton balls. That's it. And one night, they didn't even go anywhere at all. That was Saturday, and when the girls realized they were in possession of slacker elves this year, the elves did at least have the self-respect to get the thermometer and some medicine out of the cabinet and pose themselves on a pillow while the girls were gone somewhere that day.

It's like they don't even have any spirit at all. It's like they are just too lazy or too busy or too ROTTEN to do this Christmas thing this year. And you know what, I blame the little one. He's new this year and I think that he must be the common denominator. When it was just Elvis, he did all kinds of awesome things, things like ziplining across the living room and making snow angels in flour and painting Kraig's toenails while we slept! He could hardly wait for the household to get to sleep for him to partake in some kind of cool activity. Well this year he brought his little brother (who Emma insists is his son but he doesn't even have a wife so I am rather certain it's not his son) and the small one is just like a wet blanket on all things red and green.

To be totally honest, and I hate to even voice this, but I'm just waiting on the moment when we wake up to find both of them either in some sort of emotional treatment facility or dead. They just don't have the spirit to live a life of elfiness anymore and it really pains me to have watched their fall from Christmas merriment. There could be an elf funeral in our future. And I'm not even sure what type of music they would want played...

{An addendum here is that I am about 102% sure our kids are playing us. They have already confessed a knowledge of the lack of a Tooth Fairy for years before we realized. That's a lot of dollars we will never get back. I just don't see how it's possible that they both still believe in Santa and magic elves and I am pretty certain that we are paying dearly for our years of deceit. I think the joke's on us and the last laugh is being had by Emma and Kelsey, laying in bed at night chuckling at the thought of me racking my brain for some stupid elfy scene that I really don't even have the energy or desire to put together. If this is the case, and I think it is, I must say to them, WELL PLAYED. We are two of the biggest, dumbest elves you have ever seen.}