{It's important to mention this part here... one of the songs we did during praise and worship was SO applicable to our adoption wait and is even more applicable to those who have waited longer than we have and those who are still waiting... I couldn't quit thinking about our sweet friends, Will and Meagan and their family, who hope to receive good news this week. I grabbed my phone and copied down these words from the song. Meagan, I know you are far better than I am at being patient in the wait, but hopefully these lines will still speak to your heart.
This desert holds a song I will sing on and on
As I wait
I know you're working as I wait
The imagery of the desert, a place of desolation, holding a song is such a powerful thought. We can gain something from the waiting, for anything, although it's hard to see when you're in the middle of it.}
I had the absolute worst week I have had in a long time. Interestingly enough, I sensed that it would be that way. I thought it would just be a hard week because it was going to be so busy and so full of extroverted activities for me with little time to recharge. I have finally learned myself enough to know what I need and to try and work my schedule around those things, but this punishing and unforgiving week left no room for grace. Anyway, I had it on our prayer list from our family meeting last Sunday night. Tonight's update (praise) just said, "I survived." Because that's all it was. It wasn't pretty, but I made it. It ended up not just being busy, but being full of hurt and fear and anxiety and turmoil and frustration. I had an incident on Friday at school that really hurt my feelings. By the time I got to the church Friday night, I didn't even want to be there. In fact, I had committed to setting up a booth and in the middle of carrying everything in, I almost had a "push the receipt across the table moment" (long story but basically it means totally giving up). I just didn't have anything left in me.
I pushed through and ended up really enjoying the conference Friday night. Friday night's lesson would have been so applicable to me last year. I just sat and listened, remembering the previous year, and feeling so grateful that I had served my time already on the threshing floor and had come into this year refreshed and restored and ready for what God has for me.
Saturday morning, I read on my fb "On this Day" and saw a blog post I had shared last year that I could have WRITTEN the night before as I was so hurt over this school situation on Friday. I had struggled with my human response and need for vindication and had finally come around to the understanding that my response matters a lot and I have to be the adult in the situation. That blog post reiterated that and spoke so powerfully to me in these lines:
I had the absolute worst week I have had in a long time. Interestingly enough, I sensed that it would be that way. I thought it would just be a hard week because it was going to be so busy and so full of extroverted activities for me with little time to recharge. I have finally learned myself enough to know what I need and to try and work my schedule around those things, but this punishing and unforgiving week left no room for grace. Anyway, I had it on our prayer list from our family meeting last Sunday night. Tonight's update (praise) just said, "I survived." Because that's all it was. It wasn't pretty, but I made it. It ended up not just being busy, but being full of hurt and fear and anxiety and turmoil and frustration. I had an incident on Friday at school that really hurt my feelings. By the time I got to the church Friday night, I didn't even want to be there. In fact, I had committed to setting up a booth and in the middle of carrying everything in, I almost had a "push the receipt across the table moment" (long story but basically it means totally giving up). I just didn't have anything left in me.
I pushed through and ended up really enjoying the conference Friday night. Friday night's lesson would have been so applicable to me last year. I just sat and listened, remembering the previous year, and feeling so grateful that I had served my time already on the threshing floor and had come into this year refreshed and restored and ready for what God has for me.
Saturday morning, I read on my fb "On this Day" and saw a blog post I had shared last year that I could have WRITTEN the night before as I was so hurt over this school situation on Friday. I had struggled with my human response and need for vindication and had finally come around to the understanding that my response matters a lot and I have to be the adult in the situation. That blog post reiterated that and spoke so powerfully to me in these lines:
We must refuse to allow the loud voices of a few to drown out the soft voices of teachable spirits.They need to see that transparency breathes a beautiful life. They need to see it in you, even when the see-through heart leaves you an easy target.But here’s the thing about calling. God doesn’t call us to the easy. He invites us to the hard. The get-your-hands-dirty difficult. We are not promised perfect just because we are fulfilling our life’s purpose.
I was battling allergies and lack of sleep and weariness over the whole infuriating week (to which an additional problem had been added Friday night on my way home from the conference), so Saturday morning I fought with myself to get up and get there and, in all truthfulness, if I hadn't had a booth set up that needed to be broken down, I wouldn't have gone. (God knew, huh?)
Saturday morning's first speaker was our precious pastor's wife and friend, Dawn Lipsey. I'm telling you, her lesson spoke directly to my heart and soul and mind. Her text was from Isaiah 40, verses 29-31.
29 He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength.
30 Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall:
31 But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.
I'm posting my dashed off notes below, followed by some explanation on some of the points:
An eagle can't soar if it's bound down
An eagle can't soar if it's bound down
Short term but really, really heavy makes us tired
In life we carry the same burden for an extended period of time
We get weary and worn
Weary people often make wrong decisions
(No clarity of thought)
Next words are "I quit"
God has not called us to quit. Nothing about him says quit.
It's not outright sin, but it's the weight he (Satan) so easily besets us with.
We cannot live one moment without hope.
We are called to be hopespeakers.
We try to change the scenery of our life to make things better (new job, new church, new husband, new friends)
The hindrance to that renewed strength is the weight
Even the youth are weary, so why would we think we are exempt (examples of kids who are suicidal, crushed beneath the weight of the world)
God has a plan for us
Satan has a plan for your life too
He wants to sift us as wheat
It starts with the weight, then Satan tries to destroy us by stealing our hope and joy and tenacity
Baby elephant story
It's already bound in its mind
Our shackles are in our mind
God is not a God of scarcity
Guilt, shame, depression, hatred, unbelief, comparison, hurt, rejection, stress/anxiety, busyness, fear, loneliness, worthlessness
You have to face those shackles once and for all
Dawn's lesson centered on "I'm just so tired," which I'm pretty sure I think 99% of the time and say aloud 87%. In fact, I had posted two statuses on fb this very horrific week that connected to this very idea. This life is so stinking wearisome most of the time. It was such a powerful moment for me when she mentioned being weary and worn and made the point that "weary people make bad decisions". YES. I cannot tell you how often I lash out in anger or fear or instinct when I am just too exhausted to consider my actions or my words. I also loved that she said we are called to be "hopespeakers".
The baby elephant story was beautifully relevant and in it she talked about how they put shackles around their foot and stake them to an iron stake in the ground. The baby elephant gets hurt each time he tries to go beyond the parameters of his area. Eventually, they can replace the shackles with a simple rope, the iron stake with a wooden peg. At some point, they can take everything off and that baby elephant won't try to go past its parameters because "it's already bound in its mind". How many of my shackles are created by me and only exist in my mind? I told a friend this weekend, my mind is the most powerful part of me. She had given each of us a piece of twine, tied into a circle and she asked us to think about what our shackles are. Mine are most definitely anxiety and rejection/insecurity. She asked us to decide if we truly wanted to shake those shackles from our mind and if we did, to come forward and leave them at the altar, exchanging them for a pendant stamped with the word "soar" on it because after all, eagles can soar once they shake off the weight.
I cannot tell you how blessed I feel for us to have this lady as our leader. She is everything I aspire to be and she is used by God in the most powerful of ways.
Our second session was the keynote speaker again, Jamie Massey, and she preached another moving sermon and then had an altar service in which she asked for those who wanted to specifically pray for their families to come down. I went down, and it was a LONG altar service and so it allowed me a lot of time to really think through a lot of things. I'm not sure how much of it would be prudent for me to share in this format at this time, but it was a much needed time for me to pour some things out to God and for Him to show me some really valuable things. (I did cry so much my face was swollen and my glasses were salty, but we are Pentecostal and so that's ok. ;) )
I am so grateful that I went to the women's conference this weekend. God had so much in store for me and it was exactly what I needed after a week in which spiritual attack was pronounced. So I sit here tonight, facing a new week, restored and refreshed and renewed.
Dawn's lesson centered on "I'm just so tired," which I'm pretty sure I think 99% of the time and say aloud 87%. In fact, I had posted two statuses on fb this very horrific week that connected to this very idea. This life is so stinking wearisome most of the time. It was such a powerful moment for me when she mentioned being weary and worn and made the point that "weary people make bad decisions". YES. I cannot tell you how often I lash out in anger or fear or instinct when I am just too exhausted to consider my actions or my words. I also loved that she said we are called to be "hopespeakers".
The baby elephant story was beautifully relevant and in it she talked about how they put shackles around their foot and stake them to an iron stake in the ground. The baby elephant gets hurt each time he tries to go beyond the parameters of his area. Eventually, they can replace the shackles with a simple rope, the iron stake with a wooden peg. At some point, they can take everything off and that baby elephant won't try to go past its parameters because "it's already bound in its mind". How many of my shackles are created by me and only exist in my mind? I told a friend this weekend, my mind is the most powerful part of me. She had given each of us a piece of twine, tied into a circle and she asked us to think about what our shackles are. Mine are most definitely anxiety and rejection/insecurity. She asked us to decide if we truly wanted to shake those shackles from our mind and if we did, to come forward and leave them at the altar, exchanging them for a pendant stamped with the word "soar" on it because after all, eagles can soar once they shake off the weight.
I cannot tell you how blessed I feel for us to have this lady as our leader. She is everything I aspire to be and she is used by God in the most powerful of ways.
Our second session was the keynote speaker again, Jamie Massey, and she preached another moving sermon and then had an altar service in which she asked for those who wanted to specifically pray for their families to come down. I went down, and it was a LONG altar service and so it allowed me a lot of time to really think through a lot of things. I'm not sure how much of it would be prudent for me to share in this format at this time, but it was a much needed time for me to pour some things out to God and for Him to show me some really valuable things. (I did cry so much my face was swollen and my glasses were salty, but we are Pentecostal and so that's ok. ;) )
I am so grateful that I went to the women's conference this weekend. God had so much in store for me and it was exactly what I needed after a week in which spiritual attack was pronounced. So I sit here tonight, facing a new week, restored and refreshed and renewed.
No comments:
Post a Comment