A Letter to My 18 Year Old Self

Dear Graduating from High School Me:

Well, you did it. You survived the trials and perceived (and some actual) injustices of growing up. You flourished in the good times and you kicked furiously to stay above water in the hard times. You honestly made high school look easy and I know you're proud of yourself. You achieved much.

I also know you're terrified. The work you did, the image you built, the recognitions you received are all going away now. You are back to the drawing board. What if you aren't good enough? What if it was some fluke that high school worked so well for you? What if you don't make any friends in college and you can't find a major and you just spend your days wishing for anywhere but here, anyone but them, anytime but now, anything but this?

I just want to tell you this: it wasn't a fluke. You are you. You may be terrified, but you will make it work again. And again. And again. You'll mess up along the way and sometimes the path won't be straight or pretty or easy. In fact, the biggest decisions of your life are up ahead. You are going to make one choice that many will naysay and another that is going to rock the very foundations of your world. But guess what? Both will prove to lead to the most beautiful pieces of your future. One will bring you a career that gives you a joy that you have never known existed. The other will bring a husband and two girls who will make you laugh like you have never laughed and love more deeply than you ever thought you could love.

You have formed so many relationships in the past four years. There are some of these that have taken more from you than you have been given... some that have suffocated and strangled you, nearly choked the beauty that makes you, you. It's time to loosen yourself from the stranglehold those poisonous relationships have on you. You really shouldn't have held on this long, but you live and learn. Remember, in the future, those feelings you had when those people made you feel worthless and silly. Keep yourself free of those sorts of entanglements as you continue in life.

And for those other friends? The ones who made you better, who clarified you in a way that made you truly see yourself? I know you're scared to lose them. And, even though I know you don't want to hear this-- you ARE going to lose some of them. Not because they aren't worthwhile or because they weren't your true friends, but because life just does that sometimes. And even though it will hurt, both now and the first time you realize that something amazing happened and they WEREN'T the first person you thought of to call, it doesn't change who they have been to you in these years. Treasure the memories of those friendships.  Many others of those friends will remain by your side. Some you will continue to talk to regularly and even if you don't, they will be friends you can talk to at any point and feel like nothing has changed. Be grateful for those people. They put the color into your life. And be open to the new relationships that come in your future.

There is some mending that needs to be done. And I'm going to tell you something you probably don't want to hear and I know you won't listen, but I'll say it anyway: Now is the time. It's not going to get easier with time; in fact, it's going to get harder. So fix things now, while there's just a little bit of pride at stake. Life's too short to leave things unsaid and to build heavy walls that get too big to tear down.

Say some thank you's. I know your teenage ego thinks that you are the one who got yourself here, but it SO isn't. Your parents deserve your gratitude. Do you know that there were entire days and weeks (and maybe even months) that they walked around feeling like you were mad at them for just BEING? Yet they stood by you and loved you and came to your band concerts and your honors banquets and paid for your youth group trips and took you on vacations and ran a pickup-delivery service. Let them know you saw it and you appreciate it. And those other adults-- the teachers, the youth pastor, the coach, the family friend-- tell them, too. They have poured into you for so long and they are pretty down right now too. They deserve to know that you aren't just going to skip off the stage and forget they ever existed.

Here's the thing... some moments you are excited, some you are terrified, and some you are heartbroken over the ending of your time at CHS. But whatever you are feeling right this minute, just know that it's all going to work out in the end. You're going to come out on top. Not just on top, but with a fabulous life that you are going to LOVE with a heart that is so full of joy and delight and vigor. I would say don't worry about it all, don't sweat the future, but you will. So instead I'll remind you that there is One who brought you to this point, and He didn't bring you here to leave you. He brought you lovingly through the sadness of your freshman year and delightedly through the highs of the other three. He held you safely in His hand and protected you from so much that could have changed the path you have taken. And ... you know I'm going to say it... He will go on with you and do the same thing for the next four. In fact, for the next seventeen! His plan is so far beyond anything you could have ever dreamed. It actually will turn out pretty close to the opposite from what you are expecting right now, and what a blessing that will be. The years behind you have been mostly great. You're a high school person. But my goodness, what pleasures are ahead in the years to come. Walk forward with courage. March on with excitement. Step away with faith. Because it's all going to work out beautifully.

Love,
Your Happy, Accomplished, Healthy 35 Year Old Self