Review of Niequist's Bread and Wine

A little over a year ago, a friend suggested a book called Bittersweet. I resisted for a while simply because it was nonfiction and, at that point, I preferred fiction. However, I finally bought it and boy am I glad I did! I sopped that book up like gravy with a biscuit. That is, if I liked gravy. Which I don't. But that's beside the point. To be totally honest, when I finished the book, I copied several passages into the notes section on my iphone just so that I could continue to ruminate on it. It absolutely  dazzled me. As soon as I finished it, I got what is actually her first book, Cold Tangerines. It was every bit as savory as Bittersweet.

Niequist's style is part conversational, part poetry. I love the essay structure of her books and the way she is transparent and real. As you might imagine, when I heard that book three was in progress, I was thrilled. Bread and Wine releases on April 9 and it will be ohsoworth your time and money! I jumped at a chance to get an advanced copy and read it early in exchange for reviewing it.

As a non-cook, I hoped that I would enjoy the essays enough to make up for my lack of interest in the recipes. Let me tell you, IT DELIVERED. I find that the only way I can read Niequist's books is with a  highlighter in my hand. And sometimes I wonder if it wouldn't be easier to highlight the parts that DIDN'T speak to me rather than the parts that did! :)

I can't cite all the quotes I LOVED, but I want to touch on a couple of the basic ideas that especially moved me.

Hospitality

This is something that I have really felt the Lord working on me about in recent years. I got into a funk when I just preferred staying home and being with my family instead of socializing. At some point, I realized that I am called to interact with others and that the best way for me to do so is to have them to my home. Since then, I have hosted Pinterest parties, book clubs, student groups, couples dinners, game nights, a Three Kings Party, and lots of gatherings for my daughters and their friends. I want to have the house that people feel comfortable in and enjoy coming to, even if the food ISN'T sophisticated or even, at times, homemade.

"It's not, actually, strictly about food for me. It's about what happens when we come together, slow down, open our homes, look into one another's faces, listen to one another's stories." (introduction)

"What people are craving isn't perfection. People aren't longing to be impressed; they're longing to feel like they're home. If you create a space full of love and character and creativity and soul, they'll take off their shoes and curl up with gratitude and rest, no matter how small, no matter how undone, no matter how old." (pg 95)

My Deepest, Darkest Secret

...that probably really isn't a secret at all. I have a desperate desire to be liked. What? Most everyone has the same desperate desire? Good to know. My desperation manifests itself in DOING. If I can just DO enough, everyone will be happy. If I can just DO enough, people will enjoy being around me. If I can just DO enough, I'll always have a posse of close friends. If I can just DO enough, people will want me on their committees and in their organizations. I'll make myself ESSENTIAL to these people and groups. Then I'll NEVER be alone. I am so fearful of stillness, quiet, and solitude. This is not something I am proud of, because the fear comes from a root of insecurity. My mind is never still, always assessing and reassessing the interactions I have with others. Is she happy with me today? Did he act like that comment I made bothered him? Did they seem more quiet this evening out than they normally are? And in this regard, I think Shauna Niequist and I might be the same person.

"...forced me to confront the part of me that believes people only love me and keep me around because of what I can do for them. Some people are included because they're beautiful, or rich, or really smart. Some people are included because they're professionally successful. I get to stick around because I get stuff done. That's my thing. I'm a get-stuff-done person. I'm a utility player, a workhorse." (pg 105)

"We have, each of us, been entrusted with one life, made up of days and hours and minutes. We're spending them according to our values, whether or not we admit it. When things are too crazy, the only voices I hear are the voices of fear and shame. I stop being able to hear the voice of God, the voice of rest, the voice of hope and healing and restoration, the voice that gives new life to dry old bones. And instead I hear that old song I've heard all my life: You're not good enough. You're not good enough. But that voice is a lie. And it's a terrible guide. When I listen to it, I burn the candle at both ends and try to light the middle while I'm at it. The voice of God invites us to full, whole living-- to rest, to abundance, to enough. To say no. To say no more. To say I'm going to choose to live wholly and completely in the present, even though this ragged, run-down person I am right now is far from perfect." (pg 155)

"We fragment our minds for a reason, of course-- because we like the idea of being sixty-seven other places instead of the one lame, lonely place we find ourselves on some days." (pg 187)

Learning to Accept Myself

I am not really comfortable going into lots of details on this one, but I will just say that my body has changed drastically in the past ten years and there are days that I am harder on myself than others about it. I also feel guilty sometimes that I am NOT more bothered than I am. Truthfully, I am pretty comfortable with me in my own mind. I only become dissatisfied when I look at myself through the eyes of others. I honestly have decided recently that I can't do it all and, for right now at least, my focus is going to be on other people instead of my physical condition. I have spent way too much time comparing myself to others and feeling ostracized and different because I haven't laced up my shoes and headed for the track or the gym. I'm done with those feelings. I'm going to be the me that God has called ME to be.

"Part of being a Christian means practicing grace in all sorts of big and small ways, and my body gives me the opportunity to demonstrate grade, to make peace with imperfection every time I see myself in the mirror. On my best days, I practice grace and patience with myself, knowing I can't extend grace and patience if I haven't tasted it." (pg 33)

"What I'm finding is that when I'm hungry, lots of times what I really want more than food is an external voice to say, 'You've done enough. It's OK to be tired. You can take a break. I'll take care of you. I see how hard you're trying.' There is, though, no voice that can say that except my own, so the work I am doing now is to speak those words for myself, to give myself permission to be tired, to be weak, to need." (page 63)

This part is long, but I think, especially for women (and probably doubly especially moms), it is SO powerful. So I am including it. This portion is enough reason to go buy the book right now.

"But that's what shame does. It whispers to us that everyone is as obsessed with our failings as we are. It insists that there is, in fact, a watchdog group devoted completely to my weight or her wrinkles or his shrinking bank account. ... Shame tells us that we're wrong for having the audacity to be happy when we're so clearly terrible.

     Here we are again, my favorite time of year, summer at the lake and the idea of someone -- anyone!-- seeing me in my swimsuit makes me feel anxious. Let's be totally honest. It doesn't make me feel anxious; it makes me feel ashamed. I want to find any and every excuse to stay covered, stay inside, stay invisible.

    But if I do that, I'll miss the best parts of summer. I'll miss the beach. I'll miss the breathtaking plunges off the back of the boat into really, really cold water. I'll miss paddleboarding and boogie boarding. I'll miss watching Mac flat around, kicking his legs with a huge smile on his little face, and I'll miss racing Henry in the lake from there to there a thousand times in a row.

    So this is what I'm going to do: I'm going to swim. I'm going to paddleboard. I'm going to make sand castles and make-believe and make memories with my kids. I'm going to cannonball into the lake water. I'm going to live in the body God made me, not because it's perfect, but because it's mine. And I'm going to be thankful for health and for the ability to run and move and dance and swim.

    And this is what I'm not going to do: I'm not going to hide. I'm not going to bow out of things I love to do because I'm afraid people won't love me when they see my underbutt.

    This is the promise I'm making: this summer, I'm not going to be ashamed of my body. Or at the very least, I'm not going to let a lifetime of shame about my body get in the way of living in a rich, wild, grateful, wide-open way. 

    I'm not going to give in to the cultural pressure that says women's bodies are only beautiful when they're very, very small. I'm going to take up every inch of space I need, even though our world is obsessed with the idea that women should only take up the tiniest bits of space. I'm going to practice believing that I am more than my body, that I am more than my hips, that I am more than my stretch-marked stomach. I'm going to allow my shoulders to feel the sun, and even (gasp!) my thighs, instead of making sure I'm always, always safely covered and out of your view. 

    I'm not going to bow to the voice inside my head that says I should be ashamed of myself for being so fat, so wrong, so unruly and wild. I'm not going to develop a relationship with my cover-up that borders on obsessive. This summer, I'm not going to hide." (pp 220-221)

Because Apparently God Thought Hatmaker's Seven Needed Some Backup

I have written about this before, and seem to wrestle with it most all of the time. I am not satisfied with my religious life. I cannot shake the feeling that there is so much more out there (and not the kind of frantic "doing" that I have already mentioned) and we are not doing the job. I am way too content to sit in the sanctuary of South Cleveland and wait on the walking-needy and the love-hungry and the God-deprived to come find me. It shouldn't be hard for them to find me, right? I'm here on this pew or in this classroom during pretty much every scheduled service and class. So WHY AREN'T THEY COMING??? Because they aren't going to. Because God doesn't even expect them to. Because Jesus didn't tell us to use this strategy. Because HE didn't either. So it's time for a wrestling match. My instinct versus my intellect. My gut versus my laziness. My calling versus my culture. My relationships versus my order of worship. And I think God's not going to let this one go until I get it.

"The church is at its best, in my view, when it is more than a set of ideas and ideals, when it is a working, living, breathing, on-the-ground, in-the-mess force for good in our cities and our towns." (pg 192)

"It's so easy to decide that because you can't do something extraordinary, you can't do anything at all. It's easy to decide that if you can't overhaul your entire life in one fell swoop, then you might as well just do nothing. We started where we could, with what we had." (pg 193)

"When you offer peace instead of division, when you offer faith instead of fear, when you offer someone a place at your table instead of keeping them out because they're different or messy or wrong somehow, you represent the heart of Christ." (pg 236)

"My friend Shane says the genius of Communion, of bread and wine, is that bread is the food of the poor and wine the drink of the privileged, and that every time we see those two together, we are reminded of what we share instead of what divides us." (pg 237)

"I want all of the holiness of the Eucharist to spill out beyond the church walls, out of the hands of priests and into the regular streets and sidewalks, into the hands of regular, grubby people like you and me, onto our tables, in our kitchens and dining rooms and backyards." (pg 238)

This book will bless you, guaranteed. As for the recipes, even I found a couple that I am anxious to try! I would imagine that most people who do enjoy time in the kitchen would really especially enjoy the recipes and cooking tips included. As for me, the poetry and prompting were enough for my heart. BUY IT. You will not regret it.