What Will Save Us

I'm having a day and night in which I need to decompress and writing is the best way to do it, but I am rather certain it will end up disorganized and messy. I guess that's real life a lot of the time, though right? Disorganized and messy?

I've spent this entire day in bed, other than a mid-day span in which I got up and showered and ate lunch and the past three and a half hours. I've also had lots of liquid leakage from my eyes. At everything. All day. I have had a raging headache and lots of body pains, so I'm not sure the tears are from pain or from the emotional crash that comes after two months of major stress. Either way, I was pretty unfit for normal life until the past couple of hours.

I am one hundred percent guilty of over-scheduling myself during certain times of the year. Spring is certainly one of those times. I abuse myself emotionally and physically and I'm pretty difficult to live with. (For about three weeks, I refused to allow Kraig or the girls to talk to me about the Run for Cover 5K. I got actual physical chest pains every time I thought about it, so I tried to limit the number of times it crossed my mind. Yes, I am as much of a joy as I seem.) Today during one of my crying jags, I apologized to Emma and Kelsey for being irritable during the past two months, to which Emma responded, "It's ok, Mommy. I've been pretty awkward lately too." I'm not sure how to take that, but it sure made me feel better.

The thing that these seasons of great challenge do for me is that they strengthen the bonds I have with other people. (Well, at least any other people who aren't completely put off by the fact that I am a giant pain.) If I had one piece of advice to give, it would be to put yourself in communities that matter to you, communities that you can make better by your involvement and that can better you. I am, in general, a giant fan of people. I thrive on relationships. I could never work a job in which I did not have meaningful interaction with others (although very occasionally, I think it might be nice to try some time in a cubicle ALONE). ;)

In the month of April, I have worked in three different communities on three different projects.

My first was the Run for Cover 5K, which I have already addressed on this blog. The kids I worked closely with on that project will be kids I will never forget, as long as I live. They remind me that there is such a bright hope for the future, that for every nineteen year old who has lost hope in humanity and chosen to bring about destruction, there are so many more nearly nineteen year olds who choose instead to bring light rather than darkness and good in place of evil.

This weekend was the Royal Family 5K, a third annual event sponsored by my church. Yesterday reminded me (as if I could forget) how blessed I am to be part of this community of South Cleveland COG. Not only did my committee work with me but our church members are the primary support and participants in this event. I had friends who came and walked or ran because they care about abused and neglected children (and also about me). I can't begin to express the feeling in my heart when I look out at a sea of RF5KC shirts and faces of those who care about His children. The defining moment for me yesterday was when a camper from last year, AJ, spoke briefly at the awards ceremony about what Royal Family Kids' Camp meant to him. It's one thing to tell about the kids and the camp-- it's quite another to put a face and a voice to this ministry.

And for non-5K events, last night was our CHS Prom. This event confirms my heart for my CHS community. From parents who came out to help on Friday and provided us lunch while we worked to prom committee faculty members who put that place back in shape last night a full TWO HOURS faster than I would have expected to the students who are the reason for all of the work. Julie and I spend a year planning, a good four months of work, and three days of insane effort on each prom but we could not do it alone. This year we knew of some kids who needed some financial assistance and our incredible faculty contributed to flower purchases, tux rentals, dress purchases, and dress clothes loans for at least twelve kids. The evening was a complete success and my heart is full of love for my fellow Raiders.

Through the course of these past two months, I can't tell you how many small gestures of goodwill that have been offered me by other members of my various communities. The money continues to come in for my mission trip to Cambodia, even more from people I never even asked! I have a family who always will pick up the slack when my scheduling gets in the way of my parenting. :) I get texts and fb messages of offers of help and support and encouragement so very frequently. One special new friend even sent me a little note and "sunshine" gift on a day when she knew my nerves were especially fraught. I got a text from a student on Friday night that said, "I know you are probably stressing, so I thought I'd text and say relax." :) This morning I woke to texts from friends who were celebrating with me the completion of these events.

 I say it all the time, and maybe it's not true for everyone, but it is SO true for me-- I am the people in my life. I absolutely would not be capable of anything I do without the support and encouragement from those around me. So to those of you who are members of MY community, I say thank you. You will just never know what you mean.

And to those who are looking for something in life-- to you I would say, find those people. Find the people who will love you and hold your arms up when you are too tired to do it yourself and pick up your kids from school and send you a Coke and offer to do menial and annoying tasks so that you don't have to and wrap their arms around you and let you cry on them when that's what you need. Find that community you can work alongside in the effort of some common good. Because in the end, that's what will save us from this life until we reach the point of being taken by Him to that other life.