It's Getting Real

      ***Real Talk***Real Talk***Real Talk***Real Talk***Real Talk***Real Talk***Real Talk***

So... The euphoria is wearing off and reality is starting to set in. On Wednesday, we spent four hours in the historical museum at Yad Vashem. Ephraim took us through on a guided tour, something I will likely have more to say about later, but it was a very uniquely personal and emotional experience. Afterward we reflected on our time there, which provoked lots of strong emotions in everyone (all types of emotion). We ended the day with a study of the antecedents of Holocaust writing, which I enjoyed immensely (being a literature teacher). When we got back to the hotel, I was having lots of emotions. 

Tuesday night is the first night I have slept moderately soundly. My body is having some weird issues which I think are provoked just from making the time, climate, etc, adjustment (heart palpitations, etc). Food concerns are (as always due to my pickiness) kind of a challenge (although I did tell someone, when you are studying the Holocaust, it's kind of impossible to complain about food selection). Anyway, I came back from the museum and declined invitations to have dinner at a pub with a group, nor did I visit the market with another group that included my roommate (if you know me, declining a market trip is very.rare.). I knew that my brain needed some breathing room. I rested on the bed, cruising social media, feeling sad that I couldn't talk to the girls, feeling alone... I texted a few friends who did their best to pep me up from a world away, texted Kraig who sent me a list of restaurants I might like from Trip Advisor, then made myself get up and go to dinner. 

As I strolled down the road to the Mamilla Mall, headed for what is becoming "my" dinner spot, I spent some time in self-reflection. To be totally honest, I was feeling really guilty for not being exhilarated by #myadventureofalifetime2015 . I mean, this trip was only made possible through some amazing kindness, some huge miracles, some generosity by the folks at Yad Vashem, and the incredible gift from Fund for Teachers, not to mention  the people in my life who are making sacrifices by taking care of my kids, my family for giving me up for this long, etc.. 

Then I realized... I don't have to feel guilty. Reality is setting in. I was startled when it hit me that, after these three weeks, I will have been in Israel longer than I have ever been ANYWHERE in my life. As much as I love Bear Paw and as often as we go, I have never spent three weeks straight at Bear Paw. Even though I am enjoying the company of many alongside me, I am still (relatively speaking) alone.... separate from anyone who truly knows and loves me. As passionate as I am about the topic, I am immersed in tough topics all.day.every.day. It's mentally and emotionally exhausting. And it's SCHOOL. And we all know that school is HARD WORK. 

So, by the time I got to the cafe, I had decided to allow myself some grace...some space for all of the emotions provoked by this journey. I enjoyed a peaceful meal with a good book on a patio near the Old City. And it was good.